What is Mental Load and Why Are Women So Drained?

Have you ever gone to bed exhausted… but struggled to explain exactly why?

Not physically tired.

Mentally tired.

The kind of tired that comes from carrying a constant stream of thoughts, reminders, worries, plans, responsibilities, decisions, and invisible tasks that never seem to end.

The school trip form.

The birthday present.

The dentist appointment.

The meal planning.

The mental note to check on your ageing parent.

The worry about whether your child is coping at school.

The endless organising, anticipating, remembering, and responsibility-holding that somehow always seems to sit with you.

If this sounds familiar, this episode will feel like a huge exhale.

Because my guest today, Professor Leah Ruppanner, has spent years researching exactly why women feel so mentally overloaded – and the findings are both validating and eye-opening.

Leah is one of the world’s leading experts on gender, work, and inequality. She is a sociologist, founder of the Future of Work Lab and the Gender Equity Initiative, and author of the groundbreaking new book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More.

Her work is helping to change the way we understand women’s experiences at home, at work, and in society.

And perhaps most importantly, she’s helping women realise that they were never the problem.

Mental Load Isn’t What Most People Think It Is

Many people assume mental load is simply remembering to buy the milk or organising family logistics.

But Leah’s research reveals something much deeper.

Mental load is the invisible emotional and cognitive labour that women disproportionately carry every day.

It’s the constant monitoring.

The anticipating.

The planning.

The emotional responsibility.

The endless mental tabs that are left open in the background of our minds.

It’s why so many women feel exhausted even when they haven’t stopped moving all day.

And it’s why simply becoming more productive isn’t the answer.

In This Episode We Explore:

What mental load actually is and why it goes far beyond household chores

The eight different types of mental load women carry

Why women so often become the default managers of family life

The hidden cost of constantly carrying responsibility

Leah’s famous “messy room” study and what it reveals about gender expectations

Why social judgment fuels women’s mental load

How to have healthier conversations about mental load with your partner

What “mental load with purpose” means and why it matters

What we owe the next generation, especially our daughters

The Conversation Every Working Mum Needs to Hear

One of the things I loved most about this conversation is that whilst the topic is incredibly important, it never feels hopeless.

Leah brings warmth, compassion, humour, and humanity to a subject that can often feel heavy.

She helps us understand not only why we feel so drained, but also what needs to change – both individually and collectively.

As women.

As families.

As workplaces.

And as a society.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why you can’t seem to switch off…

Why you’re carrying so much responsibility…

Or why you feel exhausted despite doing everything “right”…

This episode will help you feel seen, understood, and validated.

Most importantly, it will remind you that the weight you’ve been carrying isn’t all in your head.

About Professor Leah Ruppanner

Professor Leah Ruppanner is an internationally recognised sociologist and leading expert on gender, work, and inequality.

She is the founder of the Lighten Lab and the Gender Equity Initiative and has published extensively on issues including unpaid labour, workplace inequality, and mental load.

Her work has been featured in The New York Times, CNN, The Guardian, The Washington Post and many other international publications.

Her latest book, Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, explores why women carry such a disproportionate share of mental load and what can be done to create meaningful change.

Connect with Leah

Leah’s website

Lighten Lab

Take the Mental Load assessment here

Instagram

LinkedIn

Resources Mentioned

Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

Read the transcript here.