Nicky Lowe [00:00:07]:
Hi. I’m Nikki Lowe, and welcome to the Wisdom For Working Moms podcast show, where I share insights and interviews that support women To combine their family, work, and life in a more successful and sustainable way. Welcome to this episode. I’m your host, Nicky Lowe, executive and leadership coach. And today, I wanna dive into the 8 Well-being mistakes that we can make. Because as you may know with my story, I got diagnosed with burnout Just over a decade ago now. And when that happened, I was shell shocked. I thought I’d been looking after my health ever since my mum had Passed away suddenly 7 years before.
Nicky Lowe [00:00:49]:
Well-being had become a priority in my life, or so I thought. So when I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue, I couldn’t understand how it had happened. And then I got fiercely curious. I needed to understand because if I didn’t, I wasn’t sure how I was ever gonna happen, stop it happening again. And it turns out I’d been making some well-being mistakes. And from working with my clients, I know I’m not alone in these mistakes. And it’s really important to say that there is no shame in making these mistakes. They’re not our fault.
Nicky Lowe [00:01:25]:
Many of them are just cultural and societal kind of issues, but I’m a big believer that knowledge is power. The more we know about them, the better Abel. We are to avoid or mitigate them. And so I wanted to dive in today the 8 biggest well-being mistakes. And the first mistake is taking too narrow a view of well-being. When I hit that burnout wall, I couldn’t understand how it happened, as I said, because I thought I’d been looking after my health. And it Turns out well-being isn’t just about your physical health. Yes.
Nicky Lowe [00:02:05]:
Exercise and nutrition and sleep are essential, But they aren’t the only factors in well-being. Well-being isn’t just the absence of physical health issues Because genuine well-being is far more than that. You know, some of the world’s best ultra athletes wouldn’t claim to have optimal well-being. That’s because well-being is made up of far more, almost systemic and holistic factors. And I wanted to share with those with you So you can get an insight into them, the first one is around social well-being. It’s about your interpersonal relationships. You know, it’s the ability to develop and sustain meaningful relationships, both within your professional life, but in your personal life. So within the workplace, this relates to your sense of belonging, trust, collaboration, perhaps, with your boss and your team.
Nicky Lowe [00:03:03]:
It’s the way we communicate with each other, how we connect with our colleagues and how we feel valued at work. You know, we talk a lot these days about psychological safety. And outside of work, it’s about being Hi, Predictor of a long and happy life. So if your place of work lacks psychological Ifti. Research shows that your risk of depression increases by 300%. So when we think of our well-being, it doesn’t matter if we’re, You know, doing yoga every day and eating kale every day. If our social well-being isn’t where it needs to be, that’s going to have a significant impact on us. So if we’re in a toxic environment at work or our relationships outside of work are not feeling good, that will have an impact.
Nicky Lowe [00:04:02]:
The next area of well-being is spiritual well-being, and that’s all about finding meaning and purpose in life. It’s that sense of whether you feel you’re making a contribution to the things that you consider truly important. You know, having a sense of meaning and purpose are really powerful factors in helplessness to navigate the challenges that life can bring And to support our well-being, you may have come across Victor Frankl’s book, A Mom’s Search For Meaning, and that how in the most horrific circumstances. If we can find meaning and purpose, it can really help us, particularly during those difficult times. And studies show that those with purpose live longer, sleep better, and have a more robust immune system, lower stress levels, and better cognitive function. So again, we need to be paying attention to, do I feel that I’ve got purpose and meaning in my life, both professionally, but also personally. The next area is around emotional well-being, And it’s all about that inner strength and emotional evenness. We talk about resilience and equanimity in that.
Nicky Lowe [00:05:13]:
It’s about how tough We are on the outside to deal with life’s challenges, as well as how calm, centred, and grounded we feel on the inside during those difficult times. And it includes our ability to be able to, kind of, acknowledge, understand, and respond constructively to our emotions. Because being able to regulate your response in emotionally charged situations and also balance your own emotional needs with the other people in your life is really important, and I think that’s particularly difficult for women and working moms. And we’ve All experience times when our emotional well-being impacts our overall health and well-being. You know, maybe we’re stressed. Maybe perhaps we’re grieving because the connection between our brains, hearts, and bodies can’t be denied. Doctor Gabor Mate in his book, you know, the body says no. And there’s also a brilliant book called The Body Keeps the Score.
Nicky Lowe [00:06:11]:
You know, those emotions are very much stored in our body. In emotional intelligence, we talk that we say that emotions aren’t biodegradable. They don’t go away. They’re data that needs to be listened and understood for us to be able to Kind of move through them. And if we’re not able to do that, that has an impact on our well-being. There’s obviously physical well-being, which, as I’ve talked about, is probably the traditional and most common perspective on well-being, and it includes all those traditional indicators of health. You know, We talk about energy and vitality. It’s the stuff we all know we should be doing, you know, sleeping, moving, nutrition, and hydration.
Nicky Lowe [00:06:53]:
And notice I said movement there and not exercise. You know, a part of my burnout journey, one of the things that I learned was, Up until that point, I’d been somebody that felt that they needed to work out. It wasn’t that I was always you know, I wasn’t a gym goer by any means, but Kind of we all know that working out is good for you. And so I thought, you know, if I’m gonna work out, I’ve got to really sweat and, you know, pound at the gym or do some HIIT exercise. And actually, I learned in my burnout journey that working in is just as important as working out. So working in might be a gentle walk or Pilates Teysal yoga. So it’s our bodies need movement. And at different times in the month, particularly as women, depending on where we are in our cycle, we might need different forms of movement.
Nicky Lowe [00:07:39]:
And I think most importantly about physical well-being is about being in touch with our bodies and understanding the signals that they’re telling us. Because I don’t know about you, but most of the people I know live mostly in their heads and are disconnected from their bodies. So actually being in touch with our bodies can be easier said than done. The next area of well-being is around mental well-being, and we hear a lot about mental health. And I think it’s really important to remember that we all have mental health. And just as we all have health, we all have mental health. A mental health and mental well-being isn’t just the absence of mental illness or mental ill health. It’s about having that psychological flexibility to be aware of your thoughts and feelings, accepting them in the moment without judgment, And being able to take effective action guided by your values and goals.
Nicky Lowe [00:08:33]:
Mental well-being isn’t about always having positive thoughts being optimistic. That’s almost like toxic positivity. It’s about consciously choosing the action you want to take to live a meaningful life, Even when you experience unhelpful thinking or difficult situations. And that’s a lot of the work that I do with my clients is around that psychological mindedness and psychological flexibility. And the final area of well-being is about intellectual well-being. And this was the part that I’d underestimated in my own recovery journey. So when I got diagnosed with burnout, I assumed that I I wasn’t able to combine my work and motherhood. I was like, I obviously can’t do this because I’ve burnt myself out.
Nicky Lowe [00:09:20]:
So What felt the only way for me to recover was to take away my work. And I was in a fortunate position that I could step away from my work for a little while, but Really quickly. I mean, within a matter of 2 weeks, I had this powerful moment where I realized that taking my work away wasn’t helping me, that my work is a really important part of my identity and my well-being. And that is what this intellectual well-being is about. It’s about how interest and absorbing you find your work, And it’s that often overlooked part of well-being. We still live in a culture where we see our work as a way of earning money And not necessarily a part of our well-being. You know, do you love what you do with your work? Is it providing the right level of challenge and stimulation? Can you express your creativity in ways that feel good for you? Are you able to learn, grow and develop? You know, the things like, are you able to use your strengths to the best of your ability? And intellectual wellness actually allows your brain both the stimulation and the rest for, like, critical thinking, curiosity, and creativity. And so this first kind of well-being mistake is not realizing that actually our well-being is Far more multidimensional than we often think, and not falling into the trap of just thinking about it in that traditional, almost physical well-being sense.
Nicky Lowe [00:10:56]:
Because my burnout experience was influenced by far more than what I ate and how often I moved my body. The second well-being mistake I often come across is that one size fits all. And I think it’s really easy in our online world to see the latest fitness or nutritional trends and feel that we need to jump on the bandwagon to experience the benefits. But We might find ourselves doing things for our health that might actually not be useful because well-being is a highly individualized state that is influenced By a complex combination of your individual circumstances, you know, what’s going on in your life, What your internal resources are, what your external resources are, and any challenges you’re facing moment to moment. And it varies from person to person because each of us has a different combination of our psychological, emotional, social, The physical resources that we draw upon, on what works for 1 person may not actually work for the next. In fact, it’s highly unlikely. You know, fasting might be great for 1 person, but not for another. A vegan diet might be fantastic for 1 person, but for not another.
Nicky Lowe [00:12:10]:
And likewise, any well-being initiative needs to be passed through, like your individual filters in your individual body, To check if it actually will be beneficial to you. Therefore, it’s, like, really, really important that you self source your well-being. And by self doors. I mean, you use your own body to measure its impact and usefulness, and not any external measures. And for that to happen, we have to be in tune with our bodies or forget the data to really understand our bodies because it’s only then we can tailor our well-being strategies Choose to really our unique needs and challenges, and I’ll give you an example of this. I remember for a while that many people were talking about the keto diet being really, really good for for you and for a number of different reasons. And with somebody that suffers with polycystic ovaries and has an insulin resistance and has had, pregnancy diabetes, so gestational diabetes. I’m always keen to understand how do I manage my insulin.
Nicky Lowe [00:13:16]:
And I’d heard really good things about the keto diet. Never actually tried it, but was always interested in it. And it was only when I did some tests. And you may be aware I won’t work with amazing functional medicine practitioner. If you go back to think it’s episode 8, where we I interviewed Joe Gamble, who is my functional medicine practitioner. I’ve worked with Jo ever since I’ve experienced burnout. And we’ve, over that 10 years, have done numerous tests for me to really understand my body. Like, I wanna forensically We understand how to optimize my well-being and, you know, really sustainably thrive.
Nicky Lowe [00:13:55]:
And one of the tests that we did was almost like a body MOT where I Tested my hormones and a number of different factors in my body. And what was really interesting is this report. This was a couple of years ago now, and I’ve managed to fix this in my body. But at the time, my body wasn’t able to process fats. What that meant, I, as I could eat all The avocados in the world. And I was eating quite a lot at this time. Avocados are not cheap. And my body couldn’t couldn’t take the energy from them.
Nicky Lowe [00:14:26]:
It wasn’t able to process and methylate, fats in my body. So if I’d gone on a keto diet, that would actually have been quite, I suppose it’s a strong word, but dangerous for my body. So I think it’s really important that we understand. Now not everybody’s gonna want to or be able to afford to do those kind of tests, but we can tune into our body and not just Zach. What other people or other things are going on? And really start to self source our well-being. The next well-being mistake I see is about ignoring personal development. As I said, I used to think of well-being more as physical health, But that’s actually more about wellness than well-being. You know, wellness is about adopting proactive and preventative approach to health.
Nicky Lowe [00:15:15]:
It’s, you know, about focusing on maintaining and improving our physical well-being. And that’s important, you know, through the healthy habits, Some preventative measures and self care practices, all that good stuff. But as we’ve said, well, being goes beyond the physical. So when I experienced my burnout, I couldn’t understand why when physically I thought I was doing all the right things. That happened. And, you know, in hindsight, I now realize that I’d been neglecting my intellectual well-being. Becoming a mum was one of the biggest blessings in my life, But it was also one of my biggest challenges. You know, my identity was very linked to my work.
Nicky Lowe [00:15:53]:
And being thrown into my role as a parent, I’d underestimated how I underestimated how much my professional identity was important to me. And as I focused on my new baby, I hadn’t Factored in my need for that intellectual engagement and flow. And it really wasn’t something that I could get in my 1st year of motherhood, or I didn’t get because I didn’t understand that I needed it, so I didn’t take any steps towards it. And it’s something that I now realise is a vital part of my well-being. And if the intellectual demands on us are too high, it can also impact our well-being. But if the intellectual demand demands on us are too low, that can impact our well-being too. And I think we often think about the the demand’s been too high, you know, being in a really stressful, pressurized job, for example. But we don’t often think about the under Utilisation of our intellectual well-being, because we need to feel, like, we’re being challenged in a way that supports our development and growth To fuel our well-being, and that will be really different for each of us.
Nicky Lowe [00:16:59]:
The next well-being mistake, mistake number 4, is about neglecting our leisure and enjoyment. And if you’re a working parent, you’ll get that. In most of the research and data on well-being, really focus on well-being in the workplace. And while well-being at work is important, It doesn’t account for us as a whole person, and we need to work and live well. And our well-being needs need to be hidden in all domains of our lives, including our personal, as well as our professional. And when we become parents, it’s really common for our personal lives to get squeezed out. In between work commitments and family commitments, there’s offer no time for leisure and enjoyment. You know, we, we focus on being the professional, maybe being the Parent, maybe being the partner, but what about us personally? So that can kind of Fall by the Wayside, and it almost becomes like a non essential, something we’ll pick back up when we have more time in perhaps a different season of our lives.
Nicky Lowe [00:17:59]:
But the research shows that leisure time is so important for our well-being. Being able to almost, like, tap into our unique expression of creativity and find purpose allows us to live a happy and healthy and more fulfilled life. It’s what Eve Rodsby calls unicorn space. And if you’ve not listened to my podcast episode with Eve. I really recommend. She’s been on the podcast twice. She came in to talk about her book fair play, and then she came back to talk about her next book, Unicorn Space. And she calls it a unicorn space because it feels like a mythical and unobtainable creature as a working mum.
Nicky Lowe [00:18:40]:
And it’s almost like that, What makes us interesting? Like, when we take away our professional hat, and our parent hat, and our partner hat, what is it that Makes this interesting. And Eve makes a really compelling case for unicorn space in a book and explains really why it’s not a luxury. It’s And she shares some really, really good data that makes it because the research is really clear that it is necessary for our mental health And our physical well-being, and that sense of ourselves so that we don’t lose ourselves. The next well-being mistake, well-being mistake number 5 is ineffective stress management. And I think as working moms, many of us live in that state of constant busyness, juggling multiple responsibilities, and feeling the pressure to keep up with all of societal expectations. The physiological and psychological effects and the impact on our nervous system cannot be underestimated. It can cause almost like that rushing woman syndrome. And again, if you’ve not listened to that episode, that’s a really good one too.
Nicky Lowe [00:19:48]:
My interview with doctor Libby Weaver, Who wrote the book, Wishing Woman Syndrome? It kind of happens when our body’s threat system just becomes highly activated, And we experience stress responses. So we get the increased heart rate, heightened alertness, and that feeling of anxiety or fear. And that response is meant to prepare our body to cope with threat, you know, the threat of, you know, potentially losing our lives And it initiates those protective behaviors. And while the threat system serves like a really useful, like it’s hardwired into us for our survival, it serves a vital survival function, but chronic activation of this system can really negatively impact our well-being. So the prolonged or, like, excessive activation of the threat system without adequate recovery can result in chronic stress, you know, or anxiety disorders, and even other adverse physical, so The physiological and mental health outcomes. And that’s really what happened to me with my adrenal fatigue. I got stuck in my sympathetic nervous system. Like, my adrenals were constantly being activated, and I I wasn’t aware of it.
Nicky Lowe [00:21:03]:
And even if I had, I’m not sure I would have known what to do about it. And it’s really, really important for us to develop those effective coping strategies and stress management techniques To regulate that activation of that stress system, if we find that we’re somebody that is regularly triggered, and I, If I’m honest, I don’t know a working mom that isn’t, kind of, activating their stress stress system more than they should be. Because it’s the over activation of it that becomes almost like a negative normal. Because as I said, most of us aren’t even aware of it. And I know why I wasn’t. And that’s what played such a huge part in my adrenal fatigue. And it’s interesting because I’ve literally just done some more tests with my functional medicine practitioner, and we did, a genomics test. So literally looking at my genes To work out from an epigenetics perspective, and if you’re not aware of the epigenetics, it’s about How our genes are expressed in our environment.
Nicky Lowe [00:22:05]:
So the the saying is, you know, you could perhaps your your genes load the gun, so I could have A, expression of cancer in my genes, but what I do can depend how quickly and how often that gun is fired. And for somebody that’s got a lot of cancer in my family, that’s really important for me to understand. Am I carrying the genes? What’s my what are my priest Dispose 2 from a genetics perspective. And one of the genetics tests that I’ve had done is My nervous system to understand how my nervous system get activated, what are the pathways that it uses, And what’s come back, which is really useful information for me, is I am gonna be predisposed to be firing at my Adrenal system for a number of different reasons that I won’t go into here, partly because I’m don’t fully understand it yet. But my genetics me that I’m more predisposed to be firing up my adrenal system. So it’s more important than ever that I have effective strategies in place To influence that so it doesn’t have the negative impact on me that it potentially has done and could do because I am more predisposed to that. So, you know, that’s just my genetic pathways. That may not be the case for everybody, but I think one thing we can probably agree on is that in our modern environments for working moms, our, stress system’s gonna be activated more than is probably healthy.
Nicky Lowe [00:23:33]:
The next well-being mistake, mistake number 6, is letting perfectionism and self criticism Steel Well-being. And so many women I work with are high striving. They strive for excellence in We think they do and have high standards. And you know what? They can be really positive traits. But when they’re taken to dreams. They can lead to negative outcomes, particularly for our well-being. You know, the constant striving for perfectionism can result in that chronic stress and anxiety we’ve just talked about. And the fear of making mistakes or falling short of expectations can create that perpetual state of worry Anais, because perfectionists often struggle to find satisfaction or enjoyment in their accomplishments or in everyday life because they’re solely kind of focused on or primarily focused on flaws or kind of perceived failures.
Nicky Lowe [00:24:30]:
And that can rob about joy. And I say that as somebody that has these tendencies. It can rob us about joy and fulfilment. And ultimately, it’s undermining our well-being Even if we think we’re doing all the other well-being initiatives perfectly, that’s a real one that we’ve got to watch out for. The next well-being mistake, mistake number 7, is failing to address the impact of technology. You know, as we know, technology is die designed to addict us. We use our smartphones for everything from telling the time and Taking photos. There’s an alarm clock to play music, using it as our purse or our wallet.
Nicky Lowe [00:25:09]:
You know, our phones are often the first thing we touch in the morning and the last thing we touch at night. And the overuse of technology has a real impact on our mental health. And we know all the data, we see it in the press. You know, it’s known to contribute to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression because it’s having an impact on our neurobiology. You know, is influencing our hormone imbalance, and it’s impacting our immune and stress system. And we know that these big tech companies are designing them to be dopamine feeding kind of devices so that that, you know, they are controlling our hormones. So being clear on our relationship with technology and developing digital well-being goals is actually crucial to our overall well-being. We cannot look at our well-being without looking at our relationship with technology.
Nicky Lowe [00:26:04]:
And the last but not least well-being mistake is mistake number 8, Falling into once and done. Because once you’ve put in place a robust plan for your well-being, It can be easy to think, well, I’ve done it. That’s that’s it, isn’t it? But, unfortunately, it’s not. You know, what supports your well-being not only changes based on what season of life you’re in. You know, do you have young children, elderly parents, or demanding work projects? It also fluctuates from day to day. You know, did you have enough sleep last night? Is it a particular time in your cycle? The truth is is that will be well-being is highly dynamic. It’s like that delicate balancing act between your psychological and physiological resources, And the particular social, emotional, psychological, and physical challenges you’re facing in life and work at any given time, So it needs, unfortunately, constant attention. And, you know, it can feel like we often don’t have enough time to do that.
Nicky Lowe [00:27:12]:
But unless we pay attention to it, it will, as it did with me, come and bite us on the bum. So Understanding those common mistakes that can get in the way of our well-being is crucial to cultivate a healthier and more fulfilling life. And by being aware of them, we really empower ourselves to kind of mitigate or hopefully avoid Any of their unhelpful impact. And it’s now more important than ever to be able to do this so that it allows us to make The impact we want in our lives in a sustainable way. You know, I definitely learned the hard way that energy is my most important currency in life. If I’ve not got my energy, it doesn’t matter what else I’ve got in my life. I cannot enjoy it. Even my children, When I was at my lowest with my burnout journey, I physically couldn’t get off the floor when I was playing with my son.
Nicky Lowe [00:28:10]:
And I ended up, you know, with the days when I was in bed with all, like, Chronic fatigue. And I had the most gorgeous family around me, but I couldn’t enjoy it. So we’ve gotta learn how do we maintain and Staying our energies in a really sustainable way to make the impact in our professional lives while also being able to show up in our personal lives In that happy and healthy way. And that’s what I’m here for. I’m here for helping you, me, and every other working mom out there create sustainable well-being. So I hope it’s been useful to hear those well-being mistakes. And as I say, if you can recognize any of them in your own life, It’s not your fault. Do not beat yourself up, but I’m a real big believer that knowledge is power, and we can use that information to empower ourselves, to take some conscious decisions and conscious effort to address them.
Nicky Lowe [00:29:04]:
So I hope that’s been useful. As always, Hi. Thank you for listening, and take care. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Wisdom for Working Mums, please share it on social media I’m with your friends and family. I’d love to connect with you too. So if you head over to wisdom for working moms.co.uk, you’ll find a link on how to do this. And if you love the show and really want to support it, please go to Itunes, write a review, and subscribe. You’ll be helping another working mum find this resource too.
Nicky Lowe [00:29:35]:
Thanks so much for listening.
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