Nicky Lowe [00:00:06]:
Hi. It’s Nicky Lowe, and welcome to the Wisdom for Working Mums podcast show. I’m your host. And for nearly two decades now, I’ve been an executive coach and leadership development consultant. And on this show, I share evidence based insights from my coaching, leadership, and psychological expertise and inspiring interviews that help women like you to combine your work, life, and motherhood in a more successful and sustainable way. Join me and my special guests as we delve into leadership and lifestyle topics for women, empowering you to thrive one conversation at a time. I’m so happy that you’re here and let’s get on with today’s episode. Welcome to this episode.

Nicky Lowe [00:00:48]:
I’m going to start with a question. Have you ever felt stuck between what you care about and how you act? Like you’re somehow chasing your values but falling short? You’re not alone. And today I’m going to share how the concept of personal principles can bridge that gap and actually transform your life. We hear a lot about values and rightly so. They’re like the, I suppose, the shining stars that guide us in life, helping us understand what truly matters. They are one of the most important things I’ve ever done in my personal development, but they’re not the full story. So today I want to introduce you to their often overlooked sibling personal principles. So if values are like the shining stars, principles are like the, I suppose, the steady map that takes those guiding stars and turns them into actionable steps for living our best lives.

Nicky Lowe [00:01:51]:
So if values are what we aspire to, then principles are how we make them real in our daily decisions, our relationships, and in the face of challenges. And while values get a lot of the spotlight, principles are actually that steady force quietly shaping who we are and how we show up in the world. So in today’s episode, I’m gonna break down the difference between values, boundaries, and principles, because while they’re part of the same family, they actually each play a unique and, I suppose, crucial role in how we live and lead. So by the end of this episode, my hope is that you’ll not only understand how principles can transform your life, but you’ll also have practical steps to define and live by your own personal principles. And I’ve actually got my podcast manager, Laura, to thank for inspiring this episode. In a recent conversation over the Christmas season about boundaries, Laura shared one of her personal principles because you see as a team, we have a Voxer group. And if you’ve not come across Voxer, you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s one of my favorite communication tools.

Nicky Lowe [00:03:06]:
It’s like a walkie talkie app where you can talk in real time, listen back when you want to. And I just love the conversations that me and the team have in Voxer. And during one of these conversations, Laura shared one of her personal principles for Dec. 0 and how it was guiding her choices and decisions and really supporting her through a really busy time. And what Laura shared really got me thinking. It got me thinking, what are my principles and how are they guiding my decisions? And how do they differ from my values? And how do boundaries relate to personal principles and how do they relate to values? And are they the same thing? So I had a lot of thinking to do. And in this episode, I’ll be sharing my and insights on this. So firstly, let’s start with what are personal principles.

Nicky Lowe [00:04:01]:
So personal principles, I believe, are like the core beliefs and guidelines that shape our actions and our decisions, and I suppose our overall way of, I suppose, being in the world. And what I’ve come to reflect on is they almost act as an internal compass. So they help us navigate life in alignment with who we are, what we stand for. And unlike, I suppose, fleeting preferences or perhaps situational rules, principles are deeply rooted and they’re consistent over time and often influence how we respond to challenges or opportunities. And I think the difference between personal principles, values, and boundaries can kind of be summed up like this. So values are the qualities or ideals that we hold dear. So they’re things like honesty or kindness or, drive. They’re what we aspire to embody or prioritize in our life.

Nicky Lowe [00:05:09]:
So you might value honesty which inspires you to act truthfully. And principles are the actionable expression of our values. They really translate what we hold dear into consistent behaviour, almost like rules for living. So if you value honesty, a principle might be, I always tell the truth, even when it’s difficult. And boundaries are the limits we set to protect those values and principles to make sure that we’re respecting them and honoring them. So they almost act as the guardrails to maintain relationships and life. So if your principle is always to tell the truth, a boundary might be refusing to engage in relationships or environments where dishonesty expected or encouraged, such as it might be, I suppose, in the workplace unethical practices or friendships that rely on deceit. So I like this analogy of thinking about values as the visionary sibling, they’re always dreaming, inspiring.

Nicky Lowe [00:06:16]:
So if you think of that as one of the siblings, principles on the other hand are the practical sibling. They’re the ones that are rolling up their sleeves and turning those aspirations into reality. And then there’s boundaries. They’re almost like the protective cousin in this family dynamic. So boundaries ensure that no one and nothing can really derail that commitment to living by your values and principles. So just as I’m saying this, think about it. What’s one principle you already live by? Perhaps even if you haven’t named it, it’s not conscious. What might be one principle that you already live by and how does it show up in your life? And if you’ve ever felt disconnected between what you care about and how you live, or if you struggle to maintain boundaries that honour your priorities, then this episode is for you.

Nicky Lowe [00:07:11]:
So why are these personal principles important? And I think personal principles aren’t just nice to have. They’re really the backbone of a purposeful, fulfilling, and I suppose, resilient life. And I wanted to share with you some of the kind of evidence from psychology, neuroscience, and leadership about why they matter. I think firstly, they reduce decision fatigue. As we know, life is full of choices and we’re constantly having to weigh up options, and that can be exhausting. And studies show in moral psychology that having clear personal principles acts like a mental shortcut. It almost provides, I suppose, a predetermined framework for action. So if we go back to the example of honesty, when honesty is that value and it’s a principle, you don’t have to agonize over whether you tell the truth is a given.

Nicky Lowe [00:08:07]:
It kind of simplifies the decision making and it leaves more energy for problem solving and taking action. Another reason is they align with intrinsic motivation. And according to self determination theory, living by principles aligns with that intrinsic motivation. So the things that truly matter to us, and I’m a big believer in this, like if we want sustainable success, not toxic success, it has to come from the inside. It has to be intrinsic. And that increases our happiness and our fulfillment. It reduces stress and burnout because your actions feel authentic and aligned. They feel congruent with your deeper self.

Nicky Lowe [00:08:50]:
So when go back to that example of fairness. If fairness is a principle, treating others equitably just feels rewarding. You get that sense of alignment with your core values. But on the other hand, when there’s a misalignment between your actions and your principles, it can lead to misalignment burnout, which is that state of emotional exhaustion caused by the inner conflict of living against your values. And over time, that dissonance can drain your energy and really erode your well-being. And I really experienced that in my corporate career. I think I was a breath away from burnout and it was that misalignment burnout at that point. So I suppose imagine valuing kindness, but you’re working in an environment where not treating people well is like the norm.

Nicky Lowe [00:09:39]:
That tension eats away at you, like, leaves you feeling disconnected. And the energy it takes to manage that disconnection is exhausting. So principles really help you make that aligned decisions, like speaking up or seeking kind of more ethical role or protecting your own well-being. But principles also foster trust in leadership. So we can feel it in leaders that are just healthy to be around and, role models, but we can also feel it in leaders that don’t do that. And they’re vital in leadership because that consistency and integrity builds trust and leaders who live by clear principles set the tone for their teams and they create psychologically safe environments because people know what’s expected. They know the rules of engagement. And research by Patrick Lencioni, he talked about the dysfunctions of teams.

Nicky Lowe [00:10:38]:
He highlights that trust is the foundation of effective teams, and it grows when leaders demonstrate this predictable principle behavior. And I think you can think of it in particularly just, I think of like Jacinta Ardern, who, was the prime minister of New Zealand and she had this principle of compassion guided leadership. And you could see that in her response to the crises during her her leadership. And her consistent actions, not only aligned with her values, but they also bought built that trust and loyalty action on a global basis, not just within her own company. And I also thought about Sarah Davis. She’s the entrepreneur, she’s the founder of Crafter’s Companion, and she’s one of the dragons on Dragon’s Den in The UK, a TV show. And I listened to her on a recent episode of the High Performance podcast, and she really shared how her principles have shaped her success, not just in business, but in her life. And one of her principles was her commitment to emotional intelligence.

Nicky Lowe [00:11:42]:
She shared that as a leader, prioritizing the development of a team and staying true to her values. And one of her values is kindness. And she said kindness can be, perceived as a weakness, but she was like, never ever mistake my kindness for, for weakness. She said, I’m, I lead with kindness, but that means I can still have the difficult conversations. I can still hold really firm boundaries, but this principle of doing it in a caring and authentic way was really important for her. And she was adamant that that’s what’s led to her thriving financially, but also was cultivated loyalty and respect amongst her team. And she also talked about how she balances kind of her huge work demands With her, she’s got a huge TV career. She was on Strictly Come Dancing and does a lot of TV based stuff.

Nicky Lowe [00:12:32]:
With her family, she’s got young children. And I think that’s a challenge that so many can relate to, but she was talking about this principle of prioritizing co relationships, both at home and in the workplace and how that keeps her grounded, particularly when she’s juggling those multiple roles. And she talked very openly about how this principle guided her family decisions, including her husband’s decision to leave his corporate career to come and support her and her business. And I think hearing her story was a really great reminder about when leaders live and lead by their whether it’s emotional intelligence or prioritizing relationships or whatever it might be, that consistency builds loyalty and respect in those around them. I also think that principles can improve well-being. And we know this from a neuroscience perspective that living in our alignment with our principles reduces that cognitive dissonance, like the mental discomfort we have when our actions don’t align with our beliefs and our principles, because that alignment actually boosts our dopamine levels, providing a sense of reward and satisfaction because we get that internal reward of doing what we say we’re gonna do or doing what is important to us. And the positive psychology research is also really compelling. So positive psychology, came about in the by a guy called, Martin Seligman.

Nicky Lowe [00:13:58]:
And at that time, psychology was all about studying people that weren’t functioning very well from a psychological perspective and looking at what went wrong. What Martin Seligman did was like, that’s useful, but how about we study the people that are thriving and look what they’re doing and look what’s going right. And what he he’s he’s working this area. He’s brilliant. I share a lot of it with my clients. One of the areas that he he came up with is this model called PERMA, P E R M A for well-being. And the P stands for positive emotions, which is about feeling happy and content and optimistic. The E stands for engagement about being absorbed in activities that help us achieve flow states.

Nicky Lowe [00:14:45]:
The R stands for relationships about having attachments and interactions with people we care about. The M stands for meaning, so having a sense of purpose. And the A stands for accomplishment, so achieving goals and mastering skills. And actually, if you think about it, by aligning your life with clear principles, you naturally enhance each pillar of that PERMA framework, really building a life that’s not only successful, but deeply fulfilling. And that’s what I’m all about here. I don’t want just a successful life, but because success can can come at a cost. It means that we can sacrifice our well-being and happiness, but that success is deeply fulfilling. And I really believe that our personal principles can help us do that and keep us on track.

Nicky Lowe [00:15:31]:
But they also strengthen resilience. So principles act as like an anchor in turbulent times. When challenges arise, when we might have those kind of conflicts in life, those clear principles can provide stability and direction, making it really easy to stay grounded and make tough decisions. So you might have a principle of perseverance and that might view setbacks as an opportunity to grow rather than looking at it for reasons to quit and keep you on track. But they also deepen relationships. So living by our principles can really support, as we’ve talked about before, not only our professional relationship and leadership, but our personal relationships. When people know what we stand for, they can kind of build trust, they can create more open communication and really deepen those connections. And because of this, I think that principles act as like a bridge.

Nicky Lowe [00:16:26]:
So if you imagine values as the destination, the point you’re going to reach, like where you’re trying to get to, principle is the bridge itself, connecting you from where you are now to where your values are guiding you to go. And boundaries are like the railings on the bridge preventing you from falling off or falling into the water or falling off course as you move forward. So as I’ve said this, I’m wondering, what’s one decision that you’ve made recently that perhaps felt really right? So it just felt really aligned aligned or perhaps wrong, you could feel that sense of misalignment. And can you trace it back to a principle that was guiding you or perhaps missing from that moment? And I think when I reflect on that in my own life, I realize that, you know, I value honesty really deeply. Like, I always say to my kids, like, once your integrity is gone, you’ve lost everything and it’s really, really hard to to win that back. So kind of I I value honesty so deeply and I hold it close and strive to really embody it. But I found myself in situations where I’ve avoided having honest conversations because I was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And maybe you can relate to that too.

Nicky Lowe [00:17:50]:
You feel torn between your desire to be truthful and your instinct to protect the other person. And in those moments, I might have been living in alignment with my value of kindness, but not honoring my value of honesty. There’s almost like these values are in conflict. And what was missing for me was a personal principle, a clear guide for how to balance those values and act in a way that aligns with both. So a personal principle of mine is I will speak the truth with compassion, even when it’s uncomfortable. And that principle reminds me to be honest and kind, and that they’re not mutually exclusive. They can co exist. And by grounding myself in that principle, I can approach those conversations in a way that honours honesty while still being sensitive to the other person’s feelings.

Nicky Lowe [00:18:43]:
So instead of avoiding the conversation, I can ask myself, how can I share the truth in a way that supports and uplifts this person? And that’s the power of personal principles. They bridge the gap between what we value and how we act, ensuring, I suppose, that we stay aligned even in those challenging moments. So maybe you’re sitting there thinking, this all sounds great, but how the hell does you even define your personal principles? And I’ve really been thinking about this. So I wanted to give you a three step simple process to define and become more consciously aware of your personal principles because you have them. It’s just kind of surfacing them. So I’m gonna share these three steps, but I’m also gonna share I’ve put this into a download for you. So if you head over to my website, so Luminate, l u m I n a t e, so Luminate-group.co.uk/podcast/15five, because this is episode 155. So if you head over to illuminate-group.co.uk/podcast/15five, you can find the download to accompany this.

Nicky Lowe [00:20:01]:
And as I said, there’s three simple steps. They’re simple, but they’re not easy because they require deep reflection. So the first step is reflecting on your core values. So as I said, right at the beginning, your principles, your personal principles are rooted in your values. So we need to identify what truly matters to us. And if you’ve not done this, this is a really powerful exercise in itself, but it’s thinking about what qualities you admire most in yourself and others. Thinking about when you’re happy and happy, I mean fulfilled, proud, at peace. What’s happening? What’s going on around you? Because that’s a sign that you’re in alignment with your values.

Nicky Lowe [00:20:40]:
And actually thinking of the opposite of that, what are situations or actions that make you feel more of a what was we would often term as negative emotions, but no neg emotions negative, but more those frustration, angry, resentful that feel almost wrong. And they will be a guide to what’s going on in terms of your values. So if you, for example, felt angry when somebody lied to you, that would often indicate that you value honesty. And what we’re trying to do is get down to about five to 10 value words that really resonate deeply with you. So just reflect on those and just try and I would just pick perhaps five values, maybe three to five to start with, to really just start this process off. So that’s the first step, reflection on your core values. The second step is translating those values into principles. So values can be abstract, but principles are really actionable.

Nicky Lowe [00:21:44]:
So it’s about converting your values into clear, actionable guidelines for how you live your life. So it’s almost asking yourself, what does this value look like in action? How can I consistently honor that value in my daily decisions and interactions? So if you value honesty, it might be that I always speak the truth with kindness and clarity, even when it’s difficult. And the third step is about living, is about, as with testing and refining your values, your principles. So how do you live them as a dynamic process? It’s about testing them in real life situations and, I suppose, tweaking them, adjusting them as needed so that they reflect your values and really serve you well. So you might ask yourself, when have I felt most aligned with my principles? What situations have challenged my ability to live by them? And do these principles still feel relevant to my current life stage and priorities? And that’s a really important one because we may have developed principles that served us at one stage in our life, but are no longer useful or relevant for this stage in our life. And you may choose to keep a journal where we reflect on decisions and how they align with your principles. And I would encourage you to like revisit and refine your principles. You know, it might be at least once a year as you enter a new year, maybe, but the more regularly you can do that, it keeps you really in alignment and keeps you conscious and intentional.

Nicky Lowe [00:23:21]:
So if you’re ready to align your actions with what truly matters, I really would encourage you to just take thirty minutes to uncover the principles that guide your life and decisions, the personal principles, principles that guide your life and decisions, the personal principles that are that bridge between your values and the life you wanna create, because they, as I’ve said, they provide clarity, they reduce stress, they help you stay aligned with what truly matters. They build more healthy and, loving and compassionate relationships. So to help you get started, I’ve created that free downloadable worksheet that you can work through, those three steps that I’ve just quickly talked through. And in just half an hour, you can start to get that sense of what your core values are, translate them into that actionable principles, and reflect on how they show up in your daily life. So I really would encourage you to take that time for yourself because it can really build the clarity, intention, and purpose with how you live and lead. So download your free worksheet now, go over to illuminate-group.co.uk/podcast/15five, and let this be the first step in honoring the principles that matter most to you. And after completing it, I’d love to hear how it’s helped. So maybe share one of your principles with me on email or over on social media, and let’s inspire each other to live with purpose and alignment and authenticity.

Nicky Lowe [00:24:52]:
So, yeah, over to you. It’s now your turn. Just take those thirty minutes this week. Head over to illuminate-group.co.uk/podcast/155 and follow those three simple steps. Because this isn’t just about self reflection. It’s about creating the foundations for life that feels good. Because our principles aren’t about perfection, they’re about progress. This isn’t another box to tick or another stick to beat ourselves up with.

Nicky Lowe [00:25:24]:
It’s about bringing us back to being our best self when life pulls us in every direction. So as you go about your week, I invite you to pause and ask yourself what principle is guiding me in this moment and how can I honor it to live with greater alignment and ease? Thank you for spending this time with me today. Here’s to leading and living with the principles that matter most to you. Until next time, take care. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Wisdom for Working Mums, I’d love for you to share it on social media or with the amazing women in your life. I’d also love to connect with you, so head over to illuminate-group.co.uk, where you’ll find ways to stay in touch. And if this episode resonated with you, one of the best ways to support the show is by subscribing and leaving a review on iTunes. Your review helps other women discover this resource, so together we can lift each other up as we rise.

Nicky Lowe [00:26:27]:
So thanks for listening. Until next time. Take care.