126 Fertile void

Nicky Lowe [00:00:07]:

Hi. I’m Nikki Lowe, and welcome to the Wisdom For Working Mums podcast show, where I share insights and interviews that support women To combine their family, work, and life in a more successful and sustainable way. And welcome. I’m your host, Nicky Lowe, executive and leadership coach. And here on this podcast, I’m all about combining the latest insights on psychology, leadership, and coaching to support high achieving women to combine their career and motherhood in a more successful and sustainable way. And today, I’m going to be exploring what I think is quite an intriguing concept that actually Intertwined psychology, nature, and the female body. And it’s the concept of the fertile void. It’s a powerful concept at this time of year, and I’m recording this podcast at the beginning of January 2024.

Nicky Lowe [00:01:09]:

And in the northern hemisphere, we’re deep in winter. You know, we’ve got the shorter days and the longer nights. Nature is sleeping because of the low temperatures. You know, many of the plants and animals are in their hibernation period, And it looks like nothing is happening, but winter is a deep and potent time, and that is the power of the fertile void. And in her book, Rituals For Life, Ayla Macleod shares that, although it appears that the natural world is dormant beneath our feet, Miracles are unfolding. Within the seeds, there is a stirring, an emergence of life that takes place within the dark When unseen creative forces are at play, from the fertile nothingness, the first sparks of life emerge. But in our modern world, we tend to be in that January, new year, new me vibe. And for many years, I did this, you know, sucked into that culture of feeling the need to, like, nail the 1st few weeks of January.

Nicky Lowe [00:02:16]:

You know? And if I didn’t, Then I’d feel like I’d lost momentum or positivity that the new year brought. But if I’m honest, it didn’t feel natural, And it often took far more energy than was necessary to kick start the year, and it often left me feeling like I was Sorry is incorporating myself for not being more motivated or more productive. And it took me years to realize I was working against nature, against, I suppose, my body, and actually our natural development. Because even in the self development world, it wants to tell us that this time of year is the year that we need to get to it. You know, get on it. Be with it. But actually, this approach ignores the power of the fertile void. And I actually need to take you back probably about 15 years to give you context Ex into how I first discovered the concept of the fertile void.

Nicky Lowe [00:03:13]:

So 15 years ago, I was about 3 years into my executive coaching business. So I’d launched it and was 3 years into it. And I built up, You know, momentum and some success in my business, and I was working with more and more senior and successful clients. And I just started working with a new client And he was head of business development for a successful financial services company. And the best way to describe him, he was really Powerful in his male energy and intense character. And during our coaching sessions, I began to feel out of my depth. I was feeling quite intimidated by him, which, obviously, when you’re somebody’s coach, that’s not ideal. What I now know was that I was actually dealing with a narcissistic client, my 1st proper rodeo with a narcissist.

Nicky Lowe [00:04:05]:

And I hadn’t got the experience to be able to give it words at the time, But I knew I was out of my depth and that I needed more support. And I kind of were thinking, what support do I need? And I remembered an article that I’d read in the Coaching at Work Magazine. And I’d read it quite a few months before, but it kind of stuck with me. I wanna dug out my magazine because at at that time, it was a physical magazine. And I reread the article, that was written by a really high highly experienced executive coach and supervisor. And when I read it, it really spoke to me, and it just baked to the experience that I was having with this client. So I reached out to the author, and the lady was an, a lady called Marian Gilly. And I contacted her because she was also a coaching supervisor, and I asked her to become my supervisor.

Nicky Lowe [00:05:00]:

And it was probably the start of one of the most powerful kind of professional development experiences that I’ve done and continue to do. So Marian, is and was, an incredible Gestalt therapist by background and had become an incredible, executive coach and then a coach trainer. And if you’ve not heard of Gestalt, it’s a type of therapy, Anne. It’s an approach to psychotherapy, but I’d not come across it before. And working with Marian, I got this, like, master The class in what Gestalt was and the impact it could have in coaching, and I’ve since gone on to train in Gestalt coaching probably, Yeah. But, I’ve been trending Gestalt for about a decade now. But Gestalt therapy was, was founded by a guy called Fritz Perls. And The only the best way to describe it because it’s a really difficult thing to describe, but gestalt encourages us to live in the present moment And actually find meaning in the spaces between kind of our actions and our experience.

Nicky Lowe [00:06:08]:

Where some type of therapy or or personal development is all future orientated. Is all about working in the present moment. So if I was coaching a client and they’re talking about, oh, I’ve got This big presentation I’ve got to do, and I’m feeling nervous. In Gestalt, we would encourage them just to go, and what are you experiencing right now as you talk about it? Because that’s the only reality. If we talk about a future event and we’re talking about what might happen in the future, we’re not Dealing with real sensations and real experiences. So Gestalt is all about that. And in Gestalt, there’s a kind of part of it that’s central to the to the theory. It’s this idea of the fertile void.

Nicky Lowe [00:06:51]:

Is like a temporary pause that allows for reflection and growth. And it a big part of how it is Explained is by something called the cycle of experience, and it’s simply a way of tracking how we experience the world around us and interpret it. And it starts with a sensation. So simply this cycle starts with a a sensation, and I’ll give you a really simple example to bring this alive. So It’s the sensation that you need the toilet. That’s the 1st step. The 2nd step in the cycle is that you then go to recognition. So you become aware that you’ve got that sensation.

Nicky Lowe [00:07:29]:

The 3rd step is it moves to mobilizing. So you get the energy to focus and start to decide and plan. So with this example, you start to think, I need to go to the toilet. The 4th phase is that you move into action. So you kind of engage and experiment and you kind of move towards Addressing the sensation. So in this example, you would kind of move towards the nearest toilet or the best toilet. The next phase is contact, and this is where you feel that you’re completing and meeting the need of the sensation. So in this example, you would actually go to the toilet.

Nicky Lowe [00:08:08]:

And the next phase is satisfaction. So you feel like you’ve hopefully completed that sensation, And we all know that feeling of relief after emptying your bladder. The next phase in this cycle of experience is withdrawal, Where we let go or lose interest and investment in the original sensation. So in this example, we move on, we’ve gone to the toilet, and we kind of forget about it. It’s done. And then we move into the final and really important phase, which is the fertile void. And the technical term for this is the undifferentiated field. And it’s this final phase that is often neglected.

Nicky Lowe [00:08:48]:

It happens after we’ve completed the cycle of experience, before we begin to be energized by the next sensation. And the fertile void is all about being there in full awareness of yourself in the world and allowing the emerging of what will be. It’s kind of being without an agenda, ready to respond to what we would say in Gestalt about the next emerging figure in our awareness. And it’s a time to be undirected and acknowledge, really, the unknown. And it’s it’s almost a surrender to, I suppose, the emergence of some completely new, unanticipated thought, Feeling or desire. And it can be linked to the Buddhist notion of emptiness or nothingness, from which springs, kind of, this new awakening or or creative energy. But in our modern world, we don’t allow time for the fertile void. We don’t acknowledge or honor it.

Nicky Lowe [00:09:50]:

But also we’re we’re so quick to move on to the next thing. And if you think about technology, it’s actually stimulating and triggering simultaneous sense sensations. So we’ve not even completed one cycle of experience before another has started, So we’re kind of almost void of fertile voids. We’re literally not having them. But the fertile void is a necessary and, kind of, powerful preparation for the next thing. We need the fertile void to create, kind of, space and energy. And if we push past that, we miss the gift that it gives us. Kind of because it’s always the inevitable spark of inspiration or insight that the fertile void gives us.

Nicky Lowe [00:10:37]:

It’s kind of the precursor to creation. And I love the work of Kate Northrop in this area. And if you’ve not come across Kate, she joined me as a guest on my podcast in episode 29, and she’s author of a book called Do Less, The revolutionary approach to time and energy management, and Kate is an entrepreneur who has actually integrated the wisdom of female bodies, into how we how we work and particularly how we may run a business. And Kate has actually integrated the wisdom of her mom who’s a very famous gynecologist in the US, who’s the author of Women’s Bodies and Women’s Wisdom, and she’s one of Oprah Winfrey’s top influencers. And Kate talks about this kind of fertile void being linked to the seasons in nature. And the fertile void, really about being winter. It’s about where we rest and we hang out in the unknown. We might reevaluate or lay fallow or pause.

Nicky Lowe [00:11:38]:

And in her work, Kate teaches that the fertile void is the same energy as the season Hi, season of winter or the new moon, if you follow the moon cycles, and actually the phase of the menstrual cycle where we bleed. Kate talks about the 1st hour void, feeling deeply uncomfortable, both because it’s about taking a break, and we’re not good at breaks for that contemplation and integration, and that rest isn’t, kind of, valued in our culture, But also because we can feel under pressure, and she talks about it takes pressure to create a diamond. But the more we can embrace that fertile void instead of pushing against it, The deeper we’ll go and the higher we’ll fly. And I really felt the power of this in January 2021. I’d spent the lead up Christmas 2020 launching kind of this huge project, and it was really exciting. And it was called the Thrive Summit where I create Curated even. This incredible lineup of speakers who all kind of recorded videos, and I integrated it into this platform. And to get it ready for January, I’d really push myself to to my limits.

Nicky Lowe [00:12:45]:

And to be honest, I’d underestimated the time and energy it would take. So I was working long days, long hours, all through that busy Christmas period, which is busy in life anyway. And I came into January. In that 1st week of January, I just felt rotten. My kidneys were aching, my back was aching. And I just thought, oh, I’ve sat at a desk for too long. My body doesn’t like this. But it turns out I’d actually got COVID.

Nicky Lowe [00:13:09]:

And when I got that positive COVID test, I just kind of went, okay. I surrender. I give myself permission to just totally rest. Obviously, I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t do anything. So I just totally switched off. And I was at home with no goals, no intentions, other than to rest and recover. And within a week of doing it, I had, like, this powerful experience.

Nicky Lowe [00:13:35]:

I can only kind of relate it to, like, this Physical experience of, boom. I had this download of all this inspiration for my business. Like, my business strategy just came to me. And I had this profound, like, moment of, okay, there is so much power in this rest if I can surrender to it. But it doesn’t come easily to me, and my guess is it doesn’t come easily to you. And I think it’s interesting to think about, particularly as women, That that first time void and that this time of year, winter, really relates to our menstruation and our menstrual cycle, Because the female menstrual cycle actually aligns with the natural rhythms of the seasons, and you may not have heard it, but if you haven’t, I’ll share with you that you can map the cycle with the seasons. So winter is often, referred to as menstruation when we bleed. Spring is our follicular phase.

Nicky Lowe [00:14:36]:

Summer is our ovulation phase, and autumn is our luteal phase. And knowing this can actually be really empowering. It can help you understand the subtle shifts in your mood and energy. And, interestingly, me and my team, we’re predominantly women. We decided probably about 6 months ago that we were gonna share and track our cycles, and it has given us so much information on, like, if I’m having a really, Like, tough day or I’m lacking inspiration. It will take Lauren, my business manager, to go, but, yeah, just remember you’re in your winter. Like, you’re not meant to be kind of in inspiration. And getting to know that and have it at our, kind of, reflected back is really powerful.

Nicky Lowe [00:15:19]:

So Wyndham marks the 1st day of your menstrual bleed, and it’s when our progesterone and estrogen, kind of our reproductive hormones, are at their lowest. And it can lead to, like, like menstrual fatigue and that general feeling of, you know, I just feel a bit rotten. A menstruation like winter represents a phase of rest and renewal. And actually, you know, hundreds of years ago, we used to go into something called the red tents and women would kind of rest and renew in there and be looked after. And this kind of process gives a chance for self reflection and creating that internal space that’s very Similar to that fertile void that we’re talking about in terms of the gestalt or winter season. But in our culture, we kinda stigmatize, our cycle, And it can yeah. It holds stigma, or we can tend to feel frustrated that we’ve been held back by it, but if we can view it as a natural cyclical process, it’s actually aligned with the principles of the fertile void. So if we can I reframe our perspective? We can, kind of, honor our cycle, and it promotes more self care and that, kind of, deeper Empowering connection with our bodies.

Nicky Lowe [00:16:36]:

And I love how the author, Blair Hayes, writes about winter. She talks about we associate winter with death, But, really, it’s a deep time of connection to what it means to be alive as we witness nature, giving him with grace and softness to the bite of winter. Our own need to surrender to this slow season is reflected back at us. If we can be present to the inevitability of death and loss, we see in nature. We can begin to understand the way that these cycles show up in our own life. Plants and animals don’t fight the winter. They don’t pretend it’s not happening, an attempt to carry on living the same things that they lived in summer. And that quote comes from Katharine May in her book, Wintering, the power of rest and retreat in difficult times.

Nicky Lowe [00:17:24]:

They prepare, they adapt, They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, Vanishing from sight, but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of life, but it’s crucible. Winter holds space for us to witness the beauty of the cycle of life and to understand that it’s a biological imperative To experience this yearly winter in our minds, bodies, and souls. In our relentlessly busy world, we try to avoid winter. We shy away from it, fearful of how it leaves us barren and bare. And yet, nature not only sends winter, but the very nature of winter all sends the space around it for us to retreat and heal. An occasional sharp wintering will do us good, writes, Catherine May.

Nicky Lowe [00:18:17]:

We must learn to invite the winter in. We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how. For humans, winter is a time to slow down I’m prepared to shed what we don’t need and to rest. If we can take our cues from what’s happening outside, we can reflect on the inside. So, actually, this winter the fertile void is creating space for self discovery. It almost becomes this space that we can intentionally slow down and reflect and gives us such a powerful opportunity for personal growth. That kind of echoes what we’re talking about in terms of the principles of the fertile void in Gestalt Therapy. But it’s really important to note that fertile voids Don’t just occur or align with winter.

Nicky Lowe [00:19:05]:

They can happen at any time, and I can reflect on times in my life where they’ve happened in the summer, for example. And I I think winter is a perfect time to to go into the fertile void, if we can, at all, possibly. But Just recognize that they can happy at any time, and it might be a time when you’re lacking inspiration or motivation, or you just can’t connect to your vision or purpose. And if you can give yourself permission to surrender to that, it’s really powerful. Because if we can embrace that fertile void, We opened the door to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the ever changing tapestry of life. And I hope that this episode gives you the confidence to trust the fertile voids in your life. And I’m I’m curious. You know? Have you ever experienced a fertile void? And you may never have given it that term.

Nicky Lowe [00:19:58]:

But as I’ve been talking, you may relate to a time where, yeah, you’ve just felt Duck, or like nothing’s happening and you’re getting frustrated. I’m wondering what did it feel like to you, But also, what did you learn? I’d love for you to drop me an email or send me a message on social media. I always read them to Tell me about your experience of fertile voids. So thank you for tuning in. Until next time, take care. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Wisdom For Working Mums, please share it on social media and with your friends and family. I’d love to connect with you too. So if you head over to wisdom for working moms.co.uk, you’ll find a link on how to do this.

Nicky Lowe [00:20:42]:

And if you love the show really want to support it. Please go to Itunes, write a review, and subscribe. You’ll be helping another working mum find this resource too. Thanks so much for listening.

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