Nicky Lowe [00:00:00]:
Hi, it’s Nicky Lowe and welcome to the Wisdom for Working Mums Podcast show. I’m your host and for nearly two decades now I’ve been an executive coach and leadership development consultant and on this show I share evidence based insights from my coaching, leadership and psychological expertise and inspiring interviews that help women like you to combine your work, life and motherhood in a more successful and sustainable way. Join me and my special guests as we delve into leadership and lifestyle topics for women, empowering you to thrive one conversation at a time. I’m so happy that you’re here and let’s get on with today’s episode. If your summer has looked like juggling teams calls with one hand while signaling to your child, please please keep it down with the other. You’re not alone as I record this podcast. It’s the middle of August and September is on the horizon and if you’ve who are school age, they might be starting school for the first time, or they might be starting secondary school and making that step into secondary, or they might be moving up a year back to school. Transition can’t be underestimated because the mental load and emotional load of getting your family ready for the new term is real.

Nicky Lowe [00:01:25]:
And for many working parents, as I say, it’s not just the uniforms, the stationary, the endless forms. It’s that emotional weight too. Maybe your child is nervous about going back to school or starting school, maybe you’re feeling uncomfortable about letting go at the school gate, or maybe it’s just that piece of re establishing routines whilst it’s all being kind of thrown up in the air during the summer holidays. And we’re doing all that while keeping our work projects on track. And that’s why in this episode I wanted to look at easing that transition not only for us as working parents, but also thinking about line managers who support us. I’m talking about how to navigate this season with more ease and how line managers can create the kind of support that drives both well being and performance. And I’ve got two resources for you. One of them is a Back to school checklist.

Nicky Lowe [00:02:17]:
So it’s got everything you might need all in one place to take the load off your brain. And you can head over and download your free copy@luminate.co.uk podcasts forward/168 because this is episode 168. And also in this episode I’m going to share some kind of ideas and practical tips on if you’re a manager, how you can lead in a way that supports your Working parents well being, loyalty and performance during this kind of transition season. But I wanted to start with thinking about the emotional and mental impact. This back to school season isn’t just a to do list. It’s an emotional kind of time to navigate. And studies in the UK show that nearly 30% of working parents report high or extreme levels of stress as school term begins. That’s almost one in three.

Nicky Lowe [00:03:13]:
And that kind of stress isn’t just about the first day, it lingers. We also know that parenting stress isn’t just emotional, it’s physiological. It’s linked to elevated cortisol levels that can drive parental burnout. And it also impacts our children on their ability to adjust and their behavior. So if you’re feeling the feels, whether it be anxiety, guilt, you’re not alone. And what I wanted to do was help. And the first thing I wanted to do was something really, really practical. So I can’t just magic a perfect transition for you and your family, but what I can do is ease it in some small ways.

Nicky Lowe [00:03:54]:
And that’s why I created this Back to school checklist. This kind of download covers everything from what you need for UN forms, PE kits, stationary school bags, key admin forms, perhaps the preterm health checks. I know I like to get my kids booked in for dentist and optician appointments just while we’ve got more flexibility in our calendar to get those dates booked in. And it also thinks about the routines that we can use to ensure kind of the preparations and our wellbeing are in place. So if you’re feeling maxed out with a mental load, this checklist is here to kind of buff you against that overwhelm. And as I said, you can head over and grab your free copy@luminate.co.uk podcast forward/168 and you can get start ticking things off without carrying it all in your head. And it was really useful for me last year when my elders started secondary school because the to do list, the stationary list, the kind of additional mental load that was needed for a start at secondary school was huge. And having having a list that I could take around with me when we went out shopping and just reassuring myself that I got stuff or just revisiting what we still needed to get was really helpful.

Nicky Lowe [00:05:14]:
So I hope it helps you too, no matter what age your child’s at. So you’ve got the kind of checklist I also wanted to share with you a bit of a back to school transition timeline, kind of thinking about it from a strategic approach. If you’ve done school, back to school kind of transition before. You’ll know this so hopefully it’s a good reminder. But if this is your first time it might be a useful kind of overview. And this is about pacing your energy. So you start September with capacity. Think of it like having phasing out a major project.

Nicky Lowe [00:05:48]:
So a few weeks out before the return to school is thinking about the big ticket item. So it’s kind of like the risk management phase and it’s thinking about making sure you’ve got the uniforms in place. Making sure got the important school shoes. Luckily my daughter, well I say luckily she needed new school shoes in May this year. So in the final term, which was a bit annoying because I was hoping that I was going to stretch them out and she could have new ones in September. And then I just realized that’s silly. She just needs new school shoes when she needs them. They grow at their own pace.

Nicky Lowe [00:06:20]:
So I don’t need to get her this year. But yeah, just thinking through those big ticket items. I also like to make sure that I’ve got all the health appointment booked in. So the dentist, the opticians and I’ve been pretty good. My son developed a squ and he was about three and he was under kind of a hospital kind of being monitored and it just made me more proactive with his eye tests and it’s something we’ve kept in place and I’m so glad I have because they’ve picked up potential problems, they’ve kind of managed them. He’s had glasses when I didn’t realize he needed them. So just being proactive with those health appointments and things like, you know, haircuts, it just means it all in place and you can get them booked in. When you’ve potentially got more flexibility in your diary and you’re not kind of limited, limited by school hours.

Nicky Lowe [00:07:09]:
I then also start thinking about shifting the bedtimes and the wake up time so I can start to align around kind of our school agenda. So that’s a few weeks out and then one week out I’m thinking about operational readiness. This is kind of where I set the smooth rails for kind of the, the start. So this might look like if it’s a new school, it might be a practice run or kind of rehearsing the journey or actually just thinking through the, the morning kind. It’s things like labeling, uniform, getting all the supplies set out. And for me a big thing is about batch cooking so particularly the weeknight kind of meals so that I can focus on connection and not kind of kitchen chaos, but actually last year my, when my son started secondary school, he started going to school via a school bus, school coach and his pickup time was significantly earlier than what we’d been doing when he was at primary school. And I started thinking about, oh, can we make sure that our mornings aren’t like just a mad rush. And I wanted to make sure he got like a really good protein rich breakfast.

Nicky Lowe [00:08:18]:
And I was thinking about oh God, how are we going to get that into our mornings? So I actually batch cooked a load of egg muffins and froze them in there, put them in the freezer and got them out the night before and then reheated them on the morning and that really helped. And to be honest, once we got into the swing of his new routine, I didn’t need to do so much batch cooking for breakfast but it helped me mentally just feel like I’ve got a bit more breathing space. And then the first week of term is for me is about protecting my bandwidth. So it’s really about protecting my capacity and creating space so that I can, I can be there to help my children emotionally regulate if they need it. So it’s keeping evenings free as possible, kind of making sure I’ve got some flexibility on early morning meetings where I can and just giving myself the space to have those end of kind of school day check ins just to if my child wants to talk, to have that kind of time space and just feeling like my nervous system is regulated, that I’m not rushing from meeting to meeting. So that if they do want to talk and I find that my daughter likes to talk about her school day more than my son, I don’t know if that’s a gender thing or just their personalities but if they do want to talk, that I’ve got the space and capacity for that as well. But then it’s about thinking about the emotional preparation for our children so helping them navigate that transition and change because the more regulated they feel, more likely the smoother it is going to go. So thinking about familiarity, so familiarity gives a certainty which can relax our nervous system.

Nicky Lowe [00:10:04]:
So it might be around just practicing as I say, the school run, walking the route, driving the route, practicing how we’re going to get ready in the morning, what’s the order of things that we’re going to do things perhaps creating some micro rituals so that first day breakfast or a little note in their lunchbox or rituals that anchor them emotionally and create that predictability and certainty it might be around using visual cues. So when my Children were younger, it was having something on the fridge door that said, look, this is the order that we do stuff in, you know, have breakfast, clean our teeth and so that we’ve got something to anchor ourselves to. Because those predictable routines aren’t, if we’re honest, just our children, we know that they reduce anxiety for us as parents too. Removing the micro decisions giving us that certainty during the morning rush. And what I also want you to think about is your self management strategies keeping the CA CEO of the household in peak form. So if you’re the default organizer in your family, I want you to treat your energy like it’s your most strategic asset. It so thinking about how you preload your first week, this first week back to school with easy wins, as I say, the batch cooking or having kind of a diary that has more flexibility in it so that you are setting yourself up for success. It’s about creating some mental reset points for you.

Nicky Lowe [00:11:35]:
Whether it’s thinking about how you’re going to use your commute, whether you’re building in a walk or a coffee break, just helping you feel that you have protected your energy so that you can show up in the way that you want to for your children in that transition. And that leads me nicely onto line managers. If you manage people, especially parents, this is your chance to make a real impact. We know that nearly 70% of people their manager has as much or even more impact on their mental health as their therapist or doctor. So it cannot be underestimated. So that line manager supervisor support is critical in reducing work family conflict. It boosts well being and drives performance. And if we’ve got low support, it’s linked to worse health outcomes and actually higher staff turnover.

Nicky Lowe [00:12:38]:
So I’ve seen some amazing examples of supported managers. I’ve seen managers shift reoccurring meetings during that transition phase by 30 minutes so parents could do the school drop off for the first couple of weeks. I’ve seen them introduce kind of cameras off to just enable people to make those home adjustments. I’ve seen them kind of put temporary flex in for parents supporting children with that school anxiety. So if you’re a line manager listening to this, I want to speak directly to you for a moment. This season is a real juggling act for parents in your team. It’s not just about getting their kids back into uniform, into the school gates. It’s the emotional load, the schedule shifts and the sheer number of moving parts they’re holding in their head and how you show up as their line manager over the next couple of weeks can make an enormous difference not only to their well being and their family’s well being, but also to their engagement and performance.

Nicky Lowe [00:13:47]:
So I wanted to break this down into some simple steps. 6 In fact, simple steps. But they’re simple but powerful ways that you can lead through this transition. So first is about leading with empathy and acknowledging the transition. So in your conversations you might just want to ask how are things at home with the new term starting? And then actively listen to the answer. For some it might not be an issue, but for others it might be they might have children that suffer with anxiety really badly about school and you will never know the cost that that happens and the impact that has on them and their family. So at this point we’re not asking you to lower your standards or excuse any kind of underperformance. Empathy is about context.

Nicky Lowe [00:14:42]:
It’s about saying, I see you, I understand you’ve got a lot going on and I’m here to help you deliver through that. The second ask I’ve got for you is to ask them what would help rather than assuming, don’t guess at what someone needs. Often we make some assumptions based on our own circumstances or our own experience. You might think that offering remote working is the answer, but actually what they might really want is just to start a key meeting 30 minutes later for a week so that they can manage the drop offs. So try asking what would make this transition easier for you over the next couple of weeks? Then listen and it might be you can help, or it might be that you can’t actually make those shifts, but you’re open to hearing the impact and helping them where possible. So it’s open to hearing the emotional as well as their practical needs. Third, I would really love for you to focus on outcomes and not desk time. And for me this feels like it should be obvious, but often the obvious isn’t the thing that’s done.

Nicky Lowe [00:15:51]:
So often we know what we need to do, but we don’t always do what we know. So be crystal clear on deliverables, on deadlines and the measures of success and where possible, just let your team get on with it. If the work is getting done and done well, it shouldn’t matter whether it’s happening between nine to five or after the kids are in bed. So where possible, just empower your people to do their work in the the way that works best for them. The fourth ask is about reducing non essential meetings or deadlines in those first few weeks. Back to school, perhaps look at your team calendar with a critical eye what meetings could be shorter? We know that most meetings are ineffective and that’s not a criticism of you personally. The research shows for all of us we could be better and more effective at our meeting management. So perhaps what meetings could be combined or paused? Which deadlines could realistically shift to mid September just to ease those first couple of weeks? Even a small reduction in meeting load frees up mental bandwidth during that adjustment time.

Nicky Lowe [00:16:59]:
And the fifth ask is actually to celebrate milestones. Yes, even first day back at school moments. You don’t need balloons or cake, just a quick hours drop off. This morning can mean the world. It tells your team you value their life outside work and if you’re comfortable, share your own moments too. It like normalizes family commitments and shows you walk the talk. And finally it’s thinking about the shadow that you cast. How do you role model this yourself? Because culture isn’t what you write in the company handbook, it’s what people see you do.

Nicky Lowe [00:17:40]:
If you’re telling your team to protect their time but you’re firing off emails at stupid o’, clock, they’ll take that as a real message. So if you’ve got a family, block out your own family time visibly in your calendar as what Elliot Ray talks about parenting out loud. Take your breaks and show that rest and recovery aren’t just allowed, they’re part of sustained performance. And I wanted to highlight just two common pitfalls and for parents that’s over committing in week one. So I don’t know about you, I often think about September is not just back to school for children. It’s like a ramp up in my work and I think right I’m going to hit it the ground running. But actually it can mean that I can over commit. It means I try and skip breaks or I try and try and catch up at the expense of my rest and that just means that my nervous system is in higher alert and it means that I’m not able to show up as a safe container for my children during that transition time.

Nicky Lowe [00:18:41]:
So I just kind of wanted to flag that as a, as a red flag. Don’t over commit in the first couple of weeks back if possible. And for managers the red flag, like the potential pitfall is assuming that your parents will ask for help or loading those high stakes work right after term starts. So don’t assume they’re going to ask for help. Be open to hearing what help they need and where possible helping to meet their needs and just giving as much breathing space as possible in those first couple of weeks. So just to summarise, Back to School is more than a date, it’s actually this whole season of change. If you’re a working parent, just know that you’re not alone. If you’re feeling the mental and emotional load could kind of go up a level.

Nicky Lowe [00:19:32]:
Remember to check out my checklist@luminate.co.uk podcast forward/168 so you can free up a bit more brain space for what matters most. And if you’re a line manager, your influence is bigger than you think. Use it to create space, show understanding and lead with humanity. And if this episode has resonated, please share it with a colleague, a friend or your boss. It might be exactly what they need to hear. So here’s to September. I hope that it kind of goes well, that it’s as smooth as possible for you, your family. You’ve got this.

Nicky Lowe [00:20:13]:
And till next time, take care. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Wisdom for Working Mums, I’d love for you to share it with on social media or with the amazing women in your life. I’d also love to connect with you, so head over to luminate group.co.uk where you’ll find ways to stay in touch. And if this episode resonated with you, one of the best ways to support the show is by subscribing and leaving a review on itunes. Your review helps other women discover this resource, so together we can lift each other up as we rise. So thanks for listening. Until next time, take care.