This Makes My Blood Boil: Why We Need to Stop Shaming Women for Asking for Help

Recently, TV star Gemma Atkinson found herself in the headlines—not for her career accomplishments, her role as a mother, or her fitness journey—but because she dared to admit that she has a cleaner. 

Gemma was criticised for something that should never be up for debate: her right to ask for help in managing her home while balancing the demands of life. 

This sort of backlash makes my blood boil because it reflects a much larger issue: the societal expectation that women, particularly mothers, should “do it all” without help and without complaint.

This toxic mindset forces so many women into hyper-independence. 

We feel guilty or ashamed for needing, or even wanting, help. 

It’s as if we’re failing in some way if we can’t manage every part of our lives on our own—whether it’s our homes, our careers, or our children. 

The result? Burnout, overwhelm, and exhaustion. 

All because society has conditioned us to believe that asking for support is a sign of weakness or inadequacy.

The Myth of Superwoman is Hurting Us

Gemma’s experience is far too familiar for many women. We feel the pressure to wear all the hats: the career-driven professional, the present and engaged mother, the partner, the friend, and the homemaker. 

And the moment we ask for help, we’re often met with judgement.

But let’s be clear: we were never meant to do it all alone. 

It’s impossible to thrive while shouldering everything by ourselves. 

In fact, the idea that we can manage everything without support is a myth that’s actively harming us. It’s time we break free from this toxic narrative that being “superwoman” means doing it all, all the time.

It Takes a Village—Especially for Working Mothers

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from working with my clients, it’s this: it truly takes a village to raise a child—and to lead a successful life. 

This is especially true for working mothers who juggle the challenges of career and parenting. 

Real leadership comes from understanding that we can’t do everything on our own, nor should we try. Thriving as a working mother means building a support system—both personally and professionally.

One of my clients was the only woman on the board of a financial services company, and like many high-achieving women, she was struggling under the weight of doing it all. Not only did she hold a demanding leadership position, but she was also the default parent to her two-year-old. With a partner who worked away during the week, the bulk of the childcare and household responsibilities fell on her. On top of that, she was managing a house renovation. Needless to say, the pressure was immense, and she was barely keeping her head above water.

During a coaching session, we started exploring the possibility of building out her support system. When I suggested getting a personal assistant—whether for her professional responsibilities or to help manage things at home—she hesitated. The fear of judgement from others, and even from herself, was a significant barrier. She had internalised the idea that needing extra help somehow made her inadequate, as though she should be able to handle it all on her own.

But what happened next was eye-opening. She brought up the idea of hiring a personal assistant to her colleagues on the executive board—all men—and was met with laughter. Not because they found the idea of hiring help ridiculous, but because they couldn’t believe she hadn’t already done it. All the men had been using personal assistants for years! To them, it was a given that they’d need support to manage their workload and lives effectively. They saw it as their right, whereas my client, like many women, had been conditioned to see it as a luxury or, worse, as a sign of failure.

This may look different for everyone: a cleaner, a nanny, a supportive partner, or even hiring a coach to help with leadership development. What matters is that we stop judging women for how they choose to get that support. 

In fact, delegating and asking for help should be seen as a strength, not a weakness. True leadership is about recognising when to bring in others to help you succeed.

Delegating is a Skill—And It’s Time We Embrace It

In leadership, whether in the office or at home, one of the most valuable skills we can develop is the ability to delegate. This is what high-performing teams and organisations are built on—the ability to trust others, to share the load, and to leverage the strengths of those around you. Yet somehow, we don’t afford women, particularly mothers, the same grace when it comes to managing their homes and lives.

When we shame women for getting help, we not only reinforce the harmful narrative that they should be able to do it all, but we also deprive them of the opportunity to thrive. Instead of feeling guilty, we should be proud of the fact that we know what we need—and we’re not afraid to ask for it.

Thriving, Not Just Surviving

The truth is, asking for help doesn’t make us less capable or less worthy. It makes us human. Whether it’s hiring a cleaner, getting support with childcare, or delegating tasks at work, we need to normalise the idea that it’s okay to seek help in order to thrive.

Through my work I help women identify the support they need in both their personal and professional lives. Whether that’s learning to delegate effectively at work or finding the right balance of support at home, my goal is to empower women to lead without burning out.

Because let’s face it—we were never meant to do this alone. Thriving as a mother, a leader, and a woman requires a team around us. And there is absolutely no shame in that.

It took me far too many years to realise this myself. 

Like so many women, I spent a long time believing that I had to manage everything on my own to be seen as capable or strong. 

My inner critic would chime in, judging any thought of asking for help as being “too much”—as if delegating tasks meant I was acting like a princess or relying on privilege. And yes, I fully acknowledge that being able to afford support is a privilege. 

After years of teetering on the edge of burnout, I’ve come to see that seeking support isn’t a matter of indulgence—it’s about being intentional and resourceful.

Today, I proudly have a team around me. I’ve learned to delegate both at home and in my business, and it has made me a better leader, mother, and individual. Asking for help doesn’t diminish my abilities or independence—in fact, it enhances them. It allows me to focus on what truly matters and frees up the energy I need to show up fully in all areas of my life.

If there’s one thing I want more women to understand, it’s that building a support system is one of the most powerful and effective things we can do. We don’t have to be martyrs to our work or our families. By embracing help, we actually create the space to thrive, not just survive.

It’s time to stop shaming women for seeking support. It’s time to stop equating independence with worth. And it’s time to start celebrating the strength it takes to delegate and build a team around you.

If asking for help makes us more effective, more fulfilled, and more present in our roles, then let’s proudly ask for the support we need—and encourage others to do the same.

Luckily, Gemma is one of the most resilient and empowered people I know. She has the strength and confidence to let this kind of criticism fall to the floor and step right over it. I had the privilege of spending a week with her in the Highlands of Scotland, trekking 100km through the Munroes for charity, and I saw firsthand just how powerful she is—both mentally and physically. My hope is that more of us learn to do the same: to rise above the judgments, to embrace the support we need, and to lead our lives with the confidence and clarity that comes from knowing we don’t have to do it all alone.