Nicky Lowe [00:00:07]:
Hi. I’m Nikki Lowe, and welcome to the Wisdom For Working Moms podcast show where I share insights and interviews that support women to combine their family, work, and life in a more successful and sustainable way. Welcome to this episode. I’m your host, Nikki Lo. And in this episode, we’re gonna be exploring the concept of nervous system regulation. And if you listen to my podcast episode where I shared my 2023 end of year reflections, it was episode 125, so just go back and listen to that if you haven’t. You’ll know that my measure of success for this year and beyond is a calm nervous system. Because when you have a calm nervous system, you have the freedom and choice to choose your response.

Nicky Lowe [00:01:02]:
You become response able, so responsible. That’s really a big kind of focus and intention for me in 2024. And the state of our nervous systems really determines how we think, feel and behave, problem solve, react, adapt, create, and make decisions. So it has a huge bearing on the quality of our life. So when I connected with today’s guest online, I was intrigued about her work. My guest today is Nicole Gomez. Nicole is a nervous system, trauma, and mindset expert and a coach for entrepreneurs. Her mission is to help entrepreneurs rewire their nervous system and mindset so they grow a wildly profitable and sustainable business with abundance and ease.

Nicky Lowe [00:01:51]:
But even if you’re not an entrepreneur, you’re gonna be interested in what Nicole has got to share. Her work is compassion led, science based and creates results. So come and join me as we dive into things all nervous system related with Nicole and understand how we can regulate our nervous systems for success in life and work. So welcome, Nicole. Thank you for joining me on the Wisdom For Working Moms podcast show. I’ve been following your work for a little while now, and it’s on a subject that really, really resonates with me. So I can’t wait to dive into this conversation with you. So thanks for joining me.

Nicole Rose [00:02:27]:
Thank you for having me.

Nicky Lowe [00:02:29]:
So for people that don’t know about you, can you share a bit about your journey and how you’ve come to specialize as a nervous system coach?

Nicole Rose [00:02:38]:
Yes. Of course. I mean, it’s, I mean, it’s a very personal journey, really. My, you know, my well, my journey to, yeah, being a nervous system and trauma and mindset expert. It it started really in in in childhood. So I, you know, I experienced a lot of emotional abuse growing up from a narcissistic parent. And, so I grew into into adulthood with a lot of, I guess, what you would call symptoms of of trauma and but a very a lot of unacknowledged not not unacknowledged trauma. And so I was, you know, I was a perfectionist.

Nicole Rose [00:03:13]:
So I was striving to to please others, to change myself to to you know, in order to receive the approval of others, you you know, a lot of the people pleasing the prawning response. You name it. I experienced a lot of I was, a lot of high functioning anxiety. I also had a lot of body image issues and and an eating disorder as well. It’s something that’s actually more common than we than we think with with with a lot of women as well. You know, there’s there’s striving for perfection, for the perfect job, the perfect life, the perfect body. And I was basically living dissociated from my body, which just means disconnected, really. Disconnected from my body, and numb, really.

Nicole Rose [00:03:55]:
And and that’s as a result of the freeze state response. You know, we hear a lot about the fight or flight. Now few people are familiar with the fight or flight. But then when the pain stresses the nervous system beyond the trauma, stresses the nervous system beyond its ability to cope, we go into freeze. And that’s why we leave our body and we become numb, and I see a lot I I see that a lot with most most of the population out there is that we’re we’re moving you know, we’re making we’re keeping ourselves numb through whether it’s food, whether it’s trying to be perfect, trying to please others. We’re disconnected from ourselves. And so that’s really where where it started. And then at one point, I was leading a path.

Nicole Rose [00:04:32]:
So I have a science background. I also have a banking background in my, I guess, in my past life. And and I was really leading a path that now looking back really wasn’t mine. But I was I was, again, I was on autopilot, not really conscious of my life. And I I I call it usually asleep. I I was very much asleep to my life. And then, and then over the course of few months, I started to wake up and, and that’s where I made the conscious decision to to take back ownership of my life. This isn’t what this isn’t what I wanted for myself, you know, for for the future.

Nicole Rose [00:05:04]:
I, you know, I I I wanted a family. I wanted, you know, I wanted to find my purpose, and I hear that a lot. People are looking for for that purpose. And, and this is where I I started to wake up, and I began on this on this healing journey where, and and what I found along the way, and and this is why I’m doing the work that I do is is I just found a lot of the support out there just didn’t didn’t didn’t cut it. And I tried a bunch of different things. I worked with a bunch of different teachers and, you know, not just studying. I studied a lot, but I but it really is about embodying and and really integrating this work. And so I kind of pieced together and and took what what what, I guess, quote unquote, you know, worked or was effective rather than work, what was effective and and kind of left behind what didn’t.

Nicole Rose [00:05:52]:
And so that over the course of 10 to 15 years, I kind of I I went deep into into working with the brain, the body, trauma, the nervous system, our subconscious mind to to really to heal myself. And then from there came came that purpose and fulfilling that purpose of wanting to then share that with others because what and now when I see with my clients what took me years now in a matter of months, you know, my clients are achieving in a matter of months. So really that was that was the background. And then working with specifically because I work more specifically with entrepreneurs, I’m more I’m more drawn to working with business owners on entrepreneurs. And having said that, I also have a lot of clients who aren’t more in employment. You know, for me, I’m drawn to working with someone that’s open and committed to doing this work. But what what what drew me to working with entrepreneurs with was my own experience of entrepreneurship. You know? And and and coming into this, I had done quite a bit of quote, unquote healing up until this point.

Nicole Rose [00:06:51]:
And then and then I’m starting to get out there and market myself and starting to to coach and and and get my work out there. And then it was like, oh, all of that stuff, like the boogeyman from under my bed came out, and it was and it was popping up in the most sneakiest of ways. And I was like, oh, I thought I addressed this. I thought I addressed this. But it’s like it you know, entrepreneurship, I think a lot of people and and I think you would you would probably, agree, it kind of shines a spotlight. So and so and and that’s what I love about it. It’s just so beautiful. It’s you know, it it can help you create.

Nicole Rose [00:07:22]:
If you if you really do this deep inner work, it can really help you expand into this into another level of freedom that’s available to you. It’s like another level of of healing and and and being so deeply connected with yourself. So, yeah, so all of these wounds and these fears and these doubts, you know, they they they they began to cut to come to come up. And so addressing these more more deeply, was and and what I’d realized is I had addressed the outer layers, but then what I real what I needed to do was then address the the the inner layers. And that’s what’s happening. Bring in that that ease and that abundance, and that’s what drew me to to clearly, those

Nicky Lowe [00:08:05]:
shape us so fundamentally, clearly, those shape us so fundamentally. And you you mentioned there about the that experience of waking up. And I wonder, was there a particular catalyst to that awakening, or was it a gradual process?

Nicole Rose [00:08:27]:
It was a it was a couple things. First of all, I wanted a family. Now I was in a I was in an in in a front office investment banking job where you literally have no life. Your, your health is compromised. Your, you know, your ability to be to be a human is compromised, really. I mean, because there is there isn’t any time to actually have a human experience. And I wanted a family, and I knew it wasn’t right away. This was when I was around I was in my late twenties where I realized I wanted a family, and I knew this was wasn’t it wasn’t going to be possible, in in the in this place where I was at.

Nicole Rose [00:09:08]:
There was that. There was a couple more things. My eating disorder had become more amplified. And I say this a lot is that a lot of people will come to me and they’ll they’ll tell me, you know, my life really hasn’t changed much, but suddenly I’m experiencing all of these symptoms, whether it’s anxiety or, you know, whatever it is that they’re they’re experiencing. And, you know, I always say this, is that you’re you’ve been living with that. Your body you know, we going maybe just taking it back for a moment in childhood from the ages of 0 to 7 years old, our subconscious mind, our subconscious programming, and our nervous system has been imprinted in that time from the from the ages of 0 to 7. And then we carry that nervous system. We carry that subconscious programming.

Nicole Rose [00:09:53]:
For anyone who isn’t who isn’t, aware, the subconscious programming is is simply the way you view yourself, all those beliefs around how you view yourself, how you view the world. You know, all of those I’m not enough stories, they live there. The the fear of being rejected. All of all of those kind of beliefs and those stories live in our subconscious. They’re in in the background. So we we carry that subconscious program and we carry that nervous system into into adulthood, and and it’s and it and it’s and it’s from that place that we are and I say this. It’s like you’re you’re the child your child you is running your business. And that that that kind of that that hit that hits that hits hard with a lot of people.

Nicole Rose [00:10:32]:
Like, that’s because that is actually what what what is happening. What did it see? Going back to what was I saying earlier? Because I often go at these tangents, and then I’m like, where did it where did where did I start?

Nicky Lowe [00:10:43]:
No. We were talking about what were the catalyst was, and you said one of the things was wanting to start a family. You said the second thing was your eating disorder.

Nicole Rose [00:10:50]:
Yes. And so when our nervous system, not subconscious programming, you know, it’s it we carry them into into adulthood and then and then they weigh heavier and heavier. And you might not expect you know, you may not experience them as strongly, and then our body speaks louder and it speaks louder because it’s it’s there to help you survive. Right? It’s there to help you survive. And so it’s gonna speak louder and the symptoms are gonna get louder and louder and louder. So it’s not because, you know, a lot of people come to me like I I actually had a pretty good life. I didn’t experience. Why is it coming up all of a sudden? It’s just because your body needs to be to to speak louder.

Nicole Rose [00:11:23]:
There’s something wrong here. We you know, to survive, I I need I need to speak louder. So, and so my eating disorder got you know, I had a binge eating disorder, and I I remember this very precisely. I was actually on a on a on a training. This is when I began I began studying and all the inquiry and and the and the embodiment work. And I was at this training and we were at the the at the buffet, and it was these I remember it really, really precisely. It was these caramelized pecans, and I just couldn’t stop eating them. You know? And and there was a lot there was you know, there’s a lot of reasons, but I mean, the trauma is behind all of that and and, you know, and needing to avoid discomfort.

Nicole Rose [00:11:59]:
We can go into that later, but our relationship with discomfort is playing a huge, huge role in healing and and in our in our nervous system healing. And and, yeah, so those symptoms just got louder and louder and louder. And and I also, you know, I also realized that although I was good at my job, you know, I’m I’m I’m someone who is very analytical. I’m someone who who who who works hard and his is ambitious. It just wasn’t me. And it began, you know, and it was one day, actually, I remember I left and I left with one of my friends who was also a colleague at the time and and I kind of broke down in the middle of the in the middle of, like, midtown Manhattan in a coffee shop. I I I I broke down. So it was it was a an amalgamation of a few things that that helped me really that helped me really wake up, to, yeah, to what is it that I want the rest of my life to

Nicky Lowe [00:12:51]:
look like? It it certainly sounds like that awakening came from the body rather than the mind. It was the body speaking, you know, at some point, I want a family. And, you know, the eating disorder speaking to you and then that kinda getting upset, and it kinda came came up from the body. Yes. We’re obviously talking about the nervous system here, and it’s a term that we often hear. And it’s becoming it seems like it’s becoming more and more part of our everyday language, whereas perhaps 10, 20 years ago, it might have been talked about in a scientific sense or a biology. But in terms of what we’re talking about today, can can you just define actually what do we mean by nervous system or nervous system regulation?

Nicole Rose [00:13:34]:
So the nervous system comprises of the brain, the spinal cord, and all all of the nerves which which branch out and speak to all other bodily systems and and and organs. Right? And it facilitates that two way message between between the brain and and between the body. So for the body to speak to the the brain to speak to the body and the and the body to speak to the brain. So when we talk about this mind body connection, it’s almost like people believe that it’s this it’s this kind of what’s the right word? But this this concept that’s that’s not really real, you know, and not not based in in in with with in into something in in foundational, you know, financial science, but the nervous system is is the key because there is there is a communication between the brain, between the body, and that’s what then that’s the job of the of the nervous system. Now when you are experiencing something, let’s say, you’re getting some feedback at work, and it’s initially, the feedback, you’re it the input is received by the amygdala, right, of the brain. And it’s the amygdala who will that will assess whether and this is all very simplified, but that will assess whether this situation is safe or whether the situation is life threatening. Right? So, again, your body is built for survival. So your brain is is is is built for survival, and it will assess whether this situation is safe or life threatening.

Nicole Rose [00:15:06]:
Now when you’ve experienced trauma, which everyone I wanted to say is really important. You know, I talked about my my own journey. I’m gonna go off with another tangent here. But I I talked about my own journey of trauma. Again, unacknowledged trauma. You know, this wasn’t physical abuse. This was emotional abuse. And and and and the very challenging thing with emotional abuse, it’s very hard to to pinpoint, especially that early that early on.

Nicole Rose [00:15:29]:
And so

Nicky Lowe [00:15:30]:
the child because that is your normal, isn’t it? It’s like you don’t know that that that anything is different or that’s not how it’s meant to be. That’s right.

Nicole Rose [00:15:40]:
But now now it can be a little bit something more obvious. But what I come across is when people come to me, and I’m gonna release one of the case studies from one of my clients here. She came to me and said, Nicole, nothing bad has happened in my life. I I experienced a a happy childhood. And that’s the case for a lot of people, and and we’re not taking away from from that happiness. But within that happy childhood, you’ve experienced some form of trauma. We’ve all experienced some form of trauma. It’s simply how your brain and your body processes and internalizes certain experiences in childhood because simply a child’s brain isn’t fully developed.

Nicole Rose [00:16:12]:
Right? The rational part of the brain isn’t fully developed until 7 or 8 years old. So it’s simply the way that you processed certain experiences, and and and that got stored in your subconscious programming with a bunch of beliefs, maybe I’m not enough, and it got stored in your in your nervous system. So it’s really important that I I pinpoint that. So going back to the the the part of the brain, the the part of the emotional brain that will assess whether something is safe or life threatening, If it perceives it as life threatening and that is trauma, that is something that’s been that’s been with you since childhood, even if, quote, unquote, doesn’t really make sense to us. Right? If it’s nothing that necessarily bad that’s happened to us or or or or it very vaguely resembles the situation that you experienced in childhood, it will still perceive it as a threat. And when it perceives it as a threat, it’s it that community find that communication with the nervous system, and and the nervous system will go into a fight, flight, or freeze, or fawn response. And and that’s where you get activated. You experience anxiety.

Nicole Rose [00:17:13]:
You experience overwhelm. You’re gonna start people pleasing. You’re gonna start trying to be perfect. You know, all all of these all of these kind of kind of symptoms. So that’s a little a little breakdown of what the nervous system is. Now nervous system is healing, and this is where there’s a lot of misconception as to what it is. Now because a lot of the information out there will tell you you are going to regulate your your nervous system by practicing some yoga or by doing some breath work. Now what that does, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system so that you move into a rest and restore space.

Nicole Rose [00:17:47]:
You’re not in that active fight or flight or freeze or or form response, but that is temporary. And that is not deep nervous system regulation. I don’t know if that makes sense to you guys in the in the audience.

Nicky Lowe [00:17:57]:
I just think you pass. I’m imagining you’re you’re you’re treating the symptom. You’re not getting to the underlying cause. That’s

Nicole Rose [00:18:04]:
right.

Nicky Lowe [00:18:04]:
I think what I was hearing you say there is almost a lot of us might think of trauma with a capital t, a big like event that we might think of in, I suppose, those big trauma situations. But trauma can be with a small t that there might be as you say, our brains don’t know the difference, particularly as a child. We it’s not the event that’s necessarily traumatic. It’s our interpretation of it. So interpretation of it that would have been encoded as trauma. But hood interpretation of it that would have been encoded as trauma.

Nicole Rose [00:18:41]:
That’s right. And and trauma ultimately, whether it’s a big t or small t, it’s not what happened to you. It is as as some people may have heard of this, Gabor Mate said it. It’s what happened inside of you as a result of of what happened to you. So it’s not the war that you went out and, you know, and it’s not cancer that you experienced. It’s not the sexual abuse. It’s the it’s what happened inside of you, in your nervous system, in your subconscious programming as a result of what happened to you. But also, you know, I it’s really important that I say this going back to what we’re saying about, you know, the not so obvious traumas is that it’s not necessarily what what happened to you or the or the event that then caused or that led led to the trauma.

Nicole Rose [00:19:20]:
It’s often what didn’t happen to you. It’s the nurture that you that you you didn’t get or or you didn’t or your your brain and your your body didn’t didn’t feel. Right? It’s the love or the nurture or the care or the affection that you did not feel and you did not experience. What no matter the intention of the caregiver or the parent, it’s how you like you said, it’s how you interpreted it. It’s how your your brain and how your nervousness interpreted it. So it’s, you know, a lot of the t the the small t traumas, it’s ultimately because our emotional needs went unmet. And in a society where, I I like to think that, you know, a lot of us now, you know, parents, are we, you know, we’re breaking the cycle, but a lot of parenting, in, you know, in in past generations was to shut down emotions because they weren’t they weren’t, you know, able to regulate their own emotions. They weren’t aware of what, you know, what creating space for emotions meant.

Nicole Rose [00:20:21]:
You know? And there’s a lot of a lot of, meanings or, you know, you’re a bad person if you feel angry, if you’re angry, if you’re if you’re, you know, you shouldn’t be sad, stop crying. You know, we even hear that every single day. I see this in movies all the time. Oh, please stop crying, you know, a mom’s you know, or or a friend, you know, please stop crying. It’s just so ingrained in our society. And when when a child’s emotional needs are not met, that is emotional neglect and and and and and that is traumatic. So yeah.

Nicky Lowe [00:20:51]:
No. I think that’s really, really useful to define that. Yeah. And what I’ve heard from you is a number of your clients come to you kind of going, well, I’ve I’ve not experienced trauma. So for somebody listening, how would they know that they’re they needed to do nervous system work? Because it sounds like it’s not always that obvious, so what might be some of those symptoms or experiences? Somebody listening might be able to go, okay. That’s nervous system stuff. Okay.

Nicole Rose [00:21:21]:
Yeah. Yeah. I’ll I’ll I’ll answer that really shortly, but before because I I you know, we were talking about nervous system regulation and the misconception of what it is and, you know, you were saying how we were simply managing symptoms when we were talking about do a bit of this and this. I wanted to just talk briefly about that that real nervous system regulation is guiding the nervous system, guiding the brain and the nervous system to feel safe again. So that when you’re encountered in a situation where your your your emotional brain will say, oh, alarm bells or something there’s something wrong here, and and obviously send that message down into your nervous system. We we want to essentially, yeah, guide guide it to safety, to to reprogram your brain to accurately detect threat or danger. And and, that that was that’s something that’s really important. And so that deep nervous system involves the trauma.

Nicole Rose [00:22:16]:
Yeah.

Nicky Lowe [00:22:17]:
So that and that really struck me is about that accurately being able to detect because as you said, our amygdala, I mean, it’s such a cool part of this, isn’t it? I always say to people that as a species, the only reason we survived is because of that amygdala. We haven’t got super sharp teeth or claws or shell to protect us. We’ve developed this super sensitive brain, haven’t we, that’s constantly scanning, that’s hypervigilant, and it’s there for our survival. But as you said, it can get out of whack that it’s so hypervigilant, it sees everything as a threat, and then we’ve got that kind of activated nervous system.

Nicole Rose [00:22:50]:
Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. And then, yeah, to answer your question about, you know, what what could be some signs? There’s so many signs. There’s overthinking. Overthinking is a big one. Right? Being very indecisiveness or second guessing yourself. The people pleasing, needing to please others.

Nicole Rose [00:23:08]:
Right? The saying no when you really will say yes rather when you really mean no, when you you feel like you don’t, you know, you don’t want to be doing something. In in business or in or in in in marketing, really playing small in a sense of keeping your voice small because you’re afraid of what others think. And I see this a lot, afraid of what your family will think by following you on social media or afraid of what your colleagues will think or, you know, your peers, I mean, in the in the industry. Keeping yourself keeping yourself small because that feels safe because inherently, you don’t feel safe, within within your body. Other other things are perfectionism. Perfectionism is a big one. The fear of fear of failure. Fear of failure.

Nicole Rose [00:23:53]:
Fear of making mistakes. Fear. Another one a lot of people don’t talk about, fear of success. Right? Fear and that’s what big one of the big blocks for people is that what is actually you know? And people are like, no. I want success. That’s why. Like, I don’t wanna fail. I want success.

Nicole Rose [00:24:07]:
But I say, actually, you don’t. Because what does it mean? It means setting yourself up for being rejected again and and and yeah. And that settles sends big, big, big alarm bells. Right? Especially if you didn’t feel safe to be you. If a lot big parts of you were were shut down when you were when you were younger, you were too too much of something, too little of something, or what or whatever it is. So, yeah, just a bunch of, you know, and not really knowing one big one also is not really knowing what it is that you truly want. You know, not knowing what it is you truly want because when we spend a lifetime trying to please others or a lifetime disconnected, really from ourselves, trying to trying to survive, trying to do all the things so that we receive love or receive the approval or feel like we’re good enough, we are not really pursuing or not really feeling into what it is that we want and what it is that we that that we desire. And then the one last thing I wanted to talk about was our relationship with money because that is a that is a big one.

Nicole Rose [00:25:08]:
Experiencing experiencing anxiety or worry around money or or I see a lot of high achievers, you know, kind of doing more and more and more, and and it’s that next sale or it’s that next big launch that’s gonna make me feel successful. And, and then you you know, and then it’s our relationship with money plays a huge I I I was actually doing a a post for this that we’ll we’ll which I’ll post up in a couple of days. It’s actually our relationship with money actually has nothing to do with money at all. It really is to do with our our need for control, our need for that that safety, that security because we it really fulfills this this false sense of safety that we’ve never that we don’t, that we don’t actually feel within our body. If I, if I make this amount of money, then I’ll feel then I’ll feel happy or then I’ll feel more secure and more, I mean, it’s still safe. And then people get to that level and they’re like, no. And it’s in the next thing and it’s the next thing because it’s what’s happening is it’s it’s it’s internally. So it’s that that need for control and and that lack of self trust as well, the lack of self trust.

Nicole Rose [00:26:05]:
So, yeah, some of those are just some of the just some of the other symptoms.

Nicky Lowe [00:26:08]:
No. And thank you for describing those symptoms because I am sure there are gonna be somebody listening to this, and I know my audience quite well and a number of them reach out to me, which is always a joy and kind of share. And so many of them will resonate with that perfectionism, high achieving, people pleasing. And interestingly, our culture almost celebrates that high achievement because, you know, that’s great. It means you’re you’re achieving lots. You’re you’re progressing in your career. You’re accumulating the material things that people would say are being successful. And I’m wondering, they may probably never have thought that it was related to safety, but can probably relate to, oh, that’s interesting.

Nicky Lowe [00:26:57]:
Yeah. The the the bigger the promotion, I still feel like I need to keep on the treadmill to prove my worth. It’s still not enough. Or I still find myself hustling for people’s approval and to be liked even with people that I’m not actually bothered about being liked by, but I still find myself falling into that pattern. And just for some, I’m wondering if there’s, like, this light bulb that’s going off that, oh, I never even thought about that being safety related, about feeling safe in my body.

Nicole Rose [00:27:28]:
There’s also this kind of losing of self and this feeling of of directionless. Like, I’ve been on this path. I need to I need to go through this path, and there’s just no other. There’s nothing else I, you know, I I I can do perhaps or, you know, there’s no no other option for me. I need to keep going because this is what this is what feels safe. This is what will give me the things I believe that that I will get. And it’s interesting because I did, I did I recorded a case study with a with a client recently, and she she was also saying high a big high achiever. You know, she when she wanted to make something happen, she made it she made it happen, similar to me and and and and I’m sure you, Nikki.

Nicole Rose [00:28:03]:
And, and then, you know, when when she came to me, she said, like, I just I don’t know what it is that I’m needing right now, but I know that I need to figure it out. And I know that I know that there’s something that doesn’t feel right. You know? She has a great career. You know, she’s making great money. She’s able to, you know, you know, go on holiday and spend lots of money on holiday and and and and give herself all these things, but there’s something that didn’t feel right. And so what what we ended up through unpacking and through working with the nervous system with with her trauma is we unpacked that she basically was living her life, her relationships, her her work from a place of I need to feel loved, I need to feel approval, I need to feel worthy. And so from then, disconnected her from what her true calling and her true purpose. And and her relationship with money came up as well where she was saying to me, you know, I take calculated risks.

Nicole Rose [00:28:54]:
Right? I I spend money on the things that, like, I’ve invested in you and, you know, it’s not a small amount of my one to one coaching and and I I go on holiday when I want, but I take calculated rests, you know, and and there’s always, you know, there’s always a, how do you say? It’s like there’s there’s always a limit to what the downside could be, let’s just say. And there was a lot of worry around around, I don’t know, being homeless or not being able to pay her mortgage. And then through working through a lot of this work, we’ve released her need for control. We’ve and she’s leaned into that deep sense of self trust. And she said to me, and this is over the course of and it’s only, you know, we were working together for about 6 months now. And she said to me, I know exactly what I need to be doing now. This is what this is the business I need to work to create, and I know exactly how I’m going to be doing this. And I asked her, how certain are you that you’re gonna make this happen? And she said to me, a 120%.

Nicole Rose [00:29:49]:
I have this knowing within me. And that knowing is that is that is that trust. And and that is that happens when we’ve when we’ve healed because trauma is that disconnection of self, that disconnection from really trusting ourselves, that re and healing is that reconnection to self and that reconnection with that sense of that sense of self trust. It was just so beautiful to witness that. And so now she’s on she’s on her way to creating and and really creating that that purposeful life and making money as well with it. You know, and and important distinction is

Nicky Lowe [00:30:20]:
because there might be somebody listening going, oh, but if you’re taken away if my lack of safety is driving me and wanting me to achieve, if I feel safe in my body, do I just stop achieving and just kind of sit on a mountain? But what I’m hearing is, well, no, actually it’s about achieving all those things, but with a regulated nervous system where you get the joy and the connection and the alignment with it.

Nicole Rose [00:30:45]:
And and also coming back to what you said, yeah, if I stop striving for success or striving to achieve, our bodies, the wisdom of our body, where I was talking about this before, is is so so much stronger than than our than our mind. And your body is gonna speak out, and I see this a lot with a lot of high achieving women is that they keep going and going and and they’re doing very well. I mean, I wanna say that in quotes, doing very well, you know, their perception of success and what it’s what it’s giving them internally. And then and then it’s just not sustainable, and then there’s burnout, and then there’s a and this is where usually there’s a re questioning of themselves of who they actually are because we lose that. We lose who we actually are, in that in that process of trying to feel trying to trying to feel worthy. So it’s sustainability is a really big one and and ease. Right? Like, it doesn’t have to feel so hard. Doesn’t have to feel that it’s so exhausting.

Nicole Rose [00:31:36]:
We we weren’t put on this earth for it to be so hard and to feel unworthy and reconnecting with that innate sense of self worth that is it’s it’s it’s just everything, and that will provide you with even more success than you could have ever imagined. But success that’s aligned and that actually feels good and that is sustainable.

Nicky Lowe [00:31:52]:
So Yeah. I love that. And you talked about living on this planet, and I often say that, you know, we want we talk about living sustainably on the planet. But unless we learn to live sustainably in our bodies first, we’re never gonna live sustainably on the planet because we we we’ve got no sense of what that is, so I love that. And you talk a lot in your work about living an embodied life, and you’ve talked a lot about the body and being in connection with that. Can you share what that means

Nicole Rose [00:32:17]:
to you? That that simply means what what I was saying before about that reconnection, you know, that reconnection. And, you know, it doesn’t mean we completely ignore our brain. Like, you know, I have a very, you know, I’m very intellectual brain. I’m very, you know, I’ve got analytical analytical brain, but it’s it’s bringing those 2. It’s bringing that finally with the wisdom of my body that I finally reconnected to and the same for my clients, and that is what creates and that is what creates the the magic. So living from an embodied places is living connected and feeling and no longer no longer numb, no longer in pursuit of these things to feel worthy. It’s it’s being connected to our innate sense of of of self worth. You are worthy simply because you exist.

Nicole Rose [00:32:58]:
And for many people, that concept can be can can be a little bit difficult to rub, you know, rub our head around, especially when you’ve been in that conditioning for so long.

Nicky Lowe [00:33:04]:
Tell me what that might mean on a daily basis. So if you’ve got somebody that is disconnected from their body, what does that mean when they kinda go in, oh, I’m in touch my body and I’m listening to it, and how might that inform what you do on a daily basis? For example, can you give an example of what that Yeah. Lived experience is?

Nicole Rose [00:33:20]:
So so in if you’re not embodied, right, if you’re moving from that disconnected place, it looks like and I see this a lot with with my community around me and with with my friends. You know, they they they keep moving and keep going and pushing and pushing and, you you know, it’s like you’re moving from 4 to you’re moving you’re moving from struggle. And then, you know, you go on that holiday and you spend the whole holiday trying to recover. Your body’s recovering. And then once you finally recovered, you’re like, I need this other holiday. You know, a bunch of these things. Also, physic chronic pain is a big one. Chronic pain, you know, people experience neck pain, back pain.

Nicole Rose [00:33:55]:
All of these are symptoms of of of trauma. They’re symptoms of trauma and and a dysregulated and a dysregulated breath, which which comes with which which comes with with trauma. What else? The moving from an embodied place is is moving with ease and moving with flow and and trusting trusting where I trust where you’re heading, what the moves you’re taking, and and and trusting that’s the pathway you’re where you’re going and and you’re you’re not exhausting yourself. You’re, you know, you feel more energized. You rest when you need to rest. There’s no story around you know, if I rest, it means I’m not worthy. You rest when you need to rest. You you’re productive.

Nicole Rose [00:34:38]:
You know, procrastination, I didn’t mention procrastination when we talked about the signs earlier, but that’s a big one. Procrastinate. People think that, okay, this is how we beat procrastination. You need to do a to do list, and then you need to set this amount of time. Again, we’re just managing the symptoms here, and it’s it’s it’s not effective. A lot of people, you know, and it keeps a lot of people very frustrated in that in that cycle. Procrastination is is another sign of the free state response. You know, we talk about the fight flight freeze and thaw and it’s the it’s the free state response.

Nicole Rose [00:35:05]:
You know, something that feels unsafe about this task that you need to be doing, or this thing that, quote, unquote, you should be doing again moving from these places of I should be. That’s also an a a place that’s not embodied. It’s like you should be doing all these things. Why should you be doing all these things? Like, you know, understanding and unpacking what what’s going on with these shoulds? What do you think that is going on? Why do you feel like you should be doing all all of these things? So, yeah, procrastination I wanted to mention procrastination is huge. Yeah.

Nicky Lowe [00:35:33]:
That’s really important. Yeah. Talking about you

Nicole Rose [00:35:36]:
know, people talk about peak productivity, and this is how you do these tools. Not it’s just stepping out of that free state response. And I I no longer procrastinate. I I do not procrastinate. I rest when I need to, and I’m I’m highly productive in those moments where I’m like, it’s time to go. I wanna do this. It’s it’s moving from more ease and from more flow and and be able to lead your life in the direction that feels right to you, without second guessing, without, without overthinking anything. I I don’t overthink anything now because it I’m when you’re connected from that place, you know, and and and the more scientific term is interoception.

Nicole Rose [00:36:14]:
It’s like your body will tell you. Right? Will tell you what you wanna eat if you’re hungry, and what you, you know, what it needs to to to to nourish your body, what it what it wants for the pleasure of of, you know, having a pleasurable relationship with food. It will tell you what it wants in terms of moving your business. This this feels right. Okay. We’re gonna move in this direction. This doesn’t feel right. We’re gonna move in this direction.

Nicole Rose [00:36:34]:
There’s just ease. And I think that I mean, ease is a huge word for me in my in my life and

Nicky Lowe [00:36:39]:
in my work, and it it it brings in ease. It brings in ease. Love that. So earlier, you talked about, you know, people might think of breathing or yoga, and those can help, but they’re treating the symptom rather than the cause. So can you just explain it, like, a high level what might be the way in which you work with your clients, and what what would you be doing with them then?

Nicole Rose [00:37:03]:
Yeah. So I actually I use breath work, and I use trauma informed yoga because I’m a I’m a trauma informed, yoga therapist as well and and breath work teacher. But in isolation, these things don’t are not effective in isolation. You know, people do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and, you know, again, managing managing the symptoms. The way in which I work with people and the way in which I’ve kind of fleshed out and pieced together my framework as it looks like now is we integrate all of those pieces. We use the breath not just for the sake of doing some breath work and calming yourself down. The purpose is to stop feeling in your body. When we’ve been stuck in that freeze state response, we’ve, again, disconnected.

Nicole Rose [00:37:40]:
We’re not we’re numb really to feeling. You know? A lot of people who come to me if I’m on a, you know, on a first call with them, and they’ll and I’ll ask them, what are you feeling? What are you feeling? What are you feeling? Or what are you feeling? Or what are you feeling in your body? And they’ll be like, oh, I think this or, you know, there’s there’s a lot of there’s a lot there’s there’s disconnection because what we we have been, know, disconnected from feeling for for for a very long time. So we use these practices and we use you know, because they’re very, very powerful, But it’s what’s what’s powerful is integrating these practices to start to step out of the the step out of the free state response to start to resolve the trauma. And how we resolve the trauma and what happened is that your body was stuck in a stress cycle. So it didn’t get the chance to fully experience the stress cycle. Right? It wasn’t given the the the chance to to complete the stress response. I’m gonna give an example. When you’re if you’re being chased by a dog, for example, or or a tiger is usually the is usually the the example people give, You’ll go in that fight or flight response.

Nicole Rose [00:38:45]:
You’re you know, all the resources from your gut, your elimination system, or from all your organ are gonna be mobilized to get you to move you away from that danger. And then once that tiger isn’t there anymore, what is a complete stress response is that you will return to baseline. You will be back into that rest and restore response of the of the parasympathetic nervous system, and and your your nervous system is back to is, yeah, is is back to to, is is neutralized. Right? But what happens with trauma is that we don’t get the chance to complete that stress response. We, don’t get the chance to fully experience, the the full spectrum of emotions that come with that experience and then return back to to baseline. So we’re stuck in that stress response. We’re stuck in that place where there’s still that threat. There’s still that tiger running running running after us.

Nicole Rose [00:39:34]:
So the key to doing that is to connect and and unlock in that in in our cell tissue, all of those emotions that were locked up, that were that didn’t get the chance to be fully experienced and and all the stories and the beliefs that, that were associated with with that and that were in our subconscious programming. So, I get people to through inner child work, but, again, integrating that on a whole bodily basis, not just talking through stuff.

Nicky Lowe [00:39:59]:
Somebody’s not come across inner child work. Can you explain what that means or what that might sound or look like?

Nicole Rose [00:40:05]:
Yes. So the way I address it is through trigger work. You’re being triggered in some way. Right? There’s something that you feel overwhelmed about, Let’s say, or or you’re experiencing, you know, oh, I I I felt like, you know, I felt like I didn’t wanna I needed to this post to be perfect before I post it, you know, or, or if you’re in employment, you know, this presentation had to be super perfect. I needed to check it like a 1000 thousands of time before I send it off to my boss. These things that you’re being triggered in those moments. So it’s really about unpacking them. First of all, what are you experiencing in your body in those in those moments when you’re outside of that intense reactivity? Because sometimes we’re in when we’re in that panic or overwhelmed, we can’t unpack.

Nicole Rose [00:40:42]:
So you’re really taking once we’re out of that intense reactivity, we we begin to unpack it. Understanding what or not understanding, but feeling into what’s going on in the body and bringing awareness to actually to your body. Again, that’s that’s bringing awareness and that creating that connection consistently. And then and then from there, we can unpack what is the story that I’m telling myself there. And and through me coaching because we are through coaching as you know, you know, you’re able to to see those to help your clients see those blind spots and then they’re not able to see. So and when I notice them staying and trying to find it in their heads, that’s where I get them to drop into their body. And, you know, and that’s where that magic comes. You know, you access that deeper level of awareness.

Nicole Rose [00:41:23]:
What is the story that I’m telling myself here? And and then it’s from that place, again, dropping into your body that we can then go back into where do you see parallel with with a childhood experience? Where do you see a parallel? But it we need to it can’t just be at that level of I was afraid of of that presentation or I was afraid of of of posting that, and so I it needed to be perfect or I I was afraid of it being not good enough. We need to go deeper into what are we feeling, what is the story that we’re telling ourselves, and and and through those deeper layers, then you can find that connection with that inner child. And then I I I often drop into their bodies, and and really connect to and really visualize that child and and some of those emotions that that, you not that that child felt, because we’re not going back in the past, but what you feel now when you think back to that child. And that’s where that’s where the goal is. It’s where you you’re in the present moment, what you’re feeling now because we’re we’re releasing that emotional backlog that’s that’s happening right now. We’re not, you know, we’re not concerned with what you that she felt back then, although you will feel what she felt or he felt or they felt back then. It’s about connecting now and starting to unlock these unlock these emotions and allowing yourself to feel that anger. I feel that sadness and and feel all these things and and to be able to be held in that space, to be able to to do that, it’s it releases everything.

Nicole Rose [00:42:42]:
And then from that place, once we’ve we’ve released some of these emotions, then we can begin to rewire our programming. You know, it has to be we can’t just you know, I see a lot of people out there who are doing mindset work and they say, you know, find the thought and let’s try and rewire it. Let’s just change that belief. You it’s you simply can’t do that. What we’re doing is we’re ignoring the body. We’re ignoring the nervous system. So then we begin to rewire that programming. What do you, you know, what is what are you saying to yourself here? What is that what is that belief? And then what is your true you know, what is what is true for you in your current reality? What is actually true not in your in your past reality? Because that is very, you know, we need to validate that, but that happened and that was it was you know, we need to acknowledge how valid it was that you started believing those things after what you experienced or, you know, not experienced.

Nicole Rose [00:43:32]:
And then it’s we can turn on the rational brain, then the rational brain gets shut down with trauma. So it’s about turning on the rational brain and, like, what is what is your current reality? My current reality is I I need, you know, I’m I’m I’m safe here or, you know, I’m not gonna get specific in some examples, but that’s when we can start to rewire our programming. And that’s when we can when we when we actually believe we are enough, and then we connect to that in a that that sense of sense of worthiness. So hopefully, I know that was a lot of information for you.

Nicky Lowe [00:44:02]:
I know. I

Nicole Rose [00:44:03]:
But, yeah, that’s a little bit

Nicky Lowe [00:44:04]:
Thank you for taking us on that journey. So what would your advice be for somebody that’s listening to this conversation that says, oh, actually, I can I can identify some of the symptoms of an unregulated nervous system? Where might they be able to start on this process of becoming regulated and feeling safe in their body? What I

Nicole Rose [00:44:24]:
would say, if there’s one thing I would say, is exactly what we spoke about before, the trigger work. Now noticing it happening, That that’s the the first step, and it’s a very, very, very fast step. And then taking a step back, and this is where we reconnect. What am I feeling right now? What am I feeling right now? You can you can you can further and take a couple of breaths just to help connect to your body. Just feel into the sensations in your body. And what I like to do, I like to converse with my body, and and I invite my my clients to converse. You know? What am I feeling right now, body? And and you’ll start to feel some sensations maybe around your chest, maybe around your your face. They might be more prominent ones.

Nicole Rose [00:44:59]:
They might be more, more subtle ones. What are you feeling in your body? You can even write that down afterwards. And then what is the story that I’m telling myself here? What am I worried is gonna happen here? Or what am I afraid or what am I you know, is is gonna happen is is going to happen here? And that’s a really great start. And, yeah. And if you can if you can start to do that regularly, you’ll, yeah, you’ll begin to you’ll begin to uncover some things. And, and and, of course, if you want to be held and and you want you want to really do this work so that you don’t take, you know, so that you don’t take years years like I did to to figure this all out and to not just figure this all out, but to actually actually embody and actually heal, truly heal so you can you can you know, your career can be a success, then then then, of course, reach out, and and I’ll be happy I’ll be happy to help. I have loads of free resources as well. But I would start with that.

Nicole Rose [00:45:49]:
What are you feeling in that moment? What is the story that you’re telling yourself? And and and what is the story I’m telling myself here that can be that can be derived from what am I afraid is gonna happen here? What am I worried is gonna happen here? What feels unsafe here? And I and I think that’s a great start.

Nicky Lowe [00:46:05]:
Brilliant. I love that kind of dropping into your body and really becoming it’s almost like that radical awareness. And you mentioned that you’ve got lots of free resources because I’m imagining people listen to this and going, actually, I wanna learn more about it. So where would you point people towards?

Nicole Rose [00:46:19]:
Well, actually, I’m, I don’t know when this is gonna go live, but I am I’m leading a free master class in a couple weeks on the Tuesday 19th March. It’s called the nervous system reboot. And I’m bringing it back. I I did it last year. I led it last year, but this one’s gonna be even better. There’s gonna be some life coaching, and this is going to really walk you through the steps that you need to take to truly, truly, you know, create long lasting and accelerated changes in your mindset, in your trauma healing, in your subconscious programming, and and we’ll go through all of that. And not I’m not just teaching you here because that’s not what I’m about. There’ll be some teaching, but, you’re going to be integrating this work.

Nicole Rose [00:46:57]:
I’ll be guiding you through a powerful process. There’ll be some life coaching. So you’re actually gonna experience experience this work. So

Nicky Lowe [00:47:04]:
Where would you point people towards to find out details?

Nicole Rose [00:47:07]:
You can go to the so you can either DM me on Instagram, Nicole Rose coaching, you know, with free master class, or the the link is the nervous system reboot.com. That’s the the nervous system reboot.com. And if you’re an entrepreneur, I also have a free community that I’ve launched recently, and that has loads of free resources. There’s loads of incredible challenges in there and online events and workshops that I run-in there. Again, it’s completely free. So, yeah, just reach out to me.

Nicky Lowe [00:47:34]:
On your Facebook page, isn’t it?

Nicole Rose [00:47:36]:
Yeah. Yeah. It’s on my it’s a it’s a Facebook group. Exactly. Where there’s yeah. It’s not just, you know, it’s there’s so much value in that. There’s loads of free resources. I run loads of events for free on that.

Nicole Rose [00:47:47]:
So

Nicky Lowe [00:47:47]:
I’ve got all the links in the show notes, but what’s your Facebook group called?

Nicole Rose [00:47:52]:
So it’s well, I think it’s best maybe if you just just send me send me a message, I think, because it will, yeah, I think I don’t know how it works with with with Facebook, but sometimes things will be, yeah, will be different.

Nicky Lowe [00:48:02]:
Where would you suggest people send you a message? Is that on your Instagram DM you?

Nicole Rose [00:48:08]:
Yeah. You can just DM me on Instagram, Nicole Rose Coaching. You know, you can you can message me on on Facebook. My my business page is Nicole Rose Coaching or I’m, you know, Nicole Roehav Gomez. That’ll be a little bit maybe you can include that in the in the little in the little spiel. But, yeah, just just reach out to me any way that you yeah. I have a website as well, nicolerosewellnesscoach.com. So many ways to reach out, and then I’ll I’ll send you in the right direction.

Nicky Lowe [00:48:33]:
Brilliant. I’ll put all the links in the show notes. Well, thank you for joining me for this conversation, Nicole. It’s such a fascinating topic, and I really appreciate you sharing kinda your story as well.

Nicole Rose [00:48:44]:
Yeah. Thank you. Thanks, Nick. Well, again, thank you for for having me. I just I love talking about this stuff, and I could talk about it for another few hours. So thank you for having me.

Nicky Lowe [00:48:52]:
If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Wisdom For Working Mums, please share it on social media and with your friends and family. I’d love to connect with you too. So if you head over to wisdom for working mums.co.uk, you’ll find a link on how to do this. And if you love the show and really want to support it, please go to Itunes, write a review, and subscribe. You’ll be helping another working mum find this resource too. Thanks so much for listening.