You didn’t mean to disappear.

You were just trying to do things right. Be the good girl. Work hard. Make others happy. Stay small enough to fit everyone else’s expectations. Perfect enough to avoid conflict.

Many high-achieving women, especially those balancing leadership roles and motherhood, find themselves in this cycle. 

The Silent Disconnection

The problem with this cycle is that, slowly and silently, pieces of you began to go offline. The bold part. The angry part. The wild, creative, dreaming part. 

The part that said “no,” that asked for help, that wanted more.

Now you’re fluent in people-pleasing. Comfortable in over-functioning. Highly skilled in hiding.

This might feel familiar. Especially for women socialised to be accommodating, agreeable, and selfless. While these traits may have helped us stay safe, succeed, or feel loved, they often come at a cost: disconnection from ourselves.

It’s this kind of cycle that I help my clients explore and disentangle themselves from through my personal leadership coaching.

The Psychology Behind Losing Ourselves

Over 15 years ago I studied something called  Gestalt therapy.  One of the core principles of Gestalt is that thriving means being whole. 

That doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being fully alive and connected to all parts, even the parts we’ve been taught to suppress or disown.

We learn early which parts of us are “acceptable” and which are not. Over time, we may push away the parts that seem too much, too emotional, too demanding. But those parts don’t vanish. They go underground, only to resurface as burnout, resentment, or a vague sense that something is missing.

The Cost of Being the “Good Girl”

The good girl script tells us we must be nice, not needy. Competent, not chaotic. Helpful, not disruptive. While it may win approval, it often leads to chronic over-responsibility and emotional exhaustion.

When we ignore our boundaries or override our needs to maintain peace or please others, we trade short-term harmony for long-term health and wellbeing.

 We may look successful on the outside, but feel hollow inside.

While this might win approval, it can also lead to chronic over-responsibility, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. In my executive coaching for women, I often help clients unravel how people-pleasing contributes to hidden burnout and resentment.

What Thriving Really Looks Like

Thriving doesn’t mean pushing harder. It means integrating the parts of ourselves we’ve lost along the way.

It’s the heart of personal leadership coaching for women.

It means learning to say no without guilt. To express anger without shame. To ask for what we need. To stop performing and start living.

It means becoming whole again.

Signs You May Have Disowned a Part of Yourself

So, how do you know if this might be happening for you? Here are a few signs:

• You feel drained from constantly trying to be ‘nice’
  
• You say yes when you mean no
  
• You struggle to name what you truly want
  
• You feel resentment under the surface
  
• You feel like you’re performing a role, not living authentically

3 Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. What emotions or desires am I no longer allowing myself to feel or express?
   
2. Where in my life am I saying “yes” just to avoid discomfort or disapproval?
   
3. Which part of me have I been told is “too much” or “not allowed” and what might it be trying to tell me now?

How Coaching Can Help You Reconnect and Thrive

In my coaching, I create space for women to come home to themselves. To reconnect with their forgotten, disowned, or hidden parts. To reimagine success not as perpetual self-sacrifice, but as a life that honours their values, voice, and vitality.

This work is grounded in psychological depth, shaped by my training in Gestalt Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and other evidence-based approaches. But more than that, it’s deeply human.

In my life and leadership coaching for women, I create a safe, supportive space where you can:

• Reconnect with the parts of yourself you’ve silenced –  whether that’s your confidence, creativity, boundaries, or needs.
  
• Make sense of the emotional patterns driving burnout, people-pleasing, or perfectionism.
  
• Shift from survival mode to thriving, by aligning your decisions with your values – not just external expectations.
  

My coaching isn’t about fixing you – it’s about helping you come back to your whole, wise, powerful self.

If any of this resonates, know this: you’re not broken. You’ve simply adapted. And the parts of you that feel missing are waiting to be welcomed back.

Because you deserve to be whole.

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Ready to reclaim your wellbeing and wholeness?

Whether you’re an executive, entrepreneur, or overwhelmed working mum, coaching for high-achieving women can help you rediscover your voice, values, and vitality.

👉 Book a free discovery call now and explore how we can work together.