The other day, as my daughter was practising her spelling, I noticed something that made me pause. She wasn’t just marking her answers; she was also leaving herself little notes of encouragement.

“Great work, Ava! Well done!”

It was such a simple act, yet so powerful. She wasn’t waiting for external validation—she was giving it to herself. And it got me thinking:

• At what point do we stop being our own cheerleaders and let our inner critic take over?

• Why do so many of us high-achievers struggle with self-doubt, even when we’re excelling?

Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern among my clients. Those who truly thrive—not just survive—have mastered the art of self-encouragement. They’ve learned how to cultivate an inner cheerleader, a voice that motivates them rather than tears them down.

And science backs this up.

The Science of Self-Talk: How Your Inner Voice Shapes Your Reality

The way we speak to ourselves is more powerful than we realise. Neuroscience and psychology show that our inner dialogue can make or break our confidence, resilience, and success.

•  The Self-Critic and the Brain
  Our brains are wired with a negativity bias—a survival mechanism designed to keep us alert to threats. This is why our inner critic often feels louder than our inner cheerleader.

When we engage in self-criticism, we activate the brain’s threat response system (the amygdala), leading to increased cortisol levels. This heightened stress response can trigger anxiety, self-doubt, and even burnout.

• The Power of Positive Self-Talk
  On the flip side, self-compassionate and encouraging self-talk activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving, motivation, and resilience. It also releases dopamine—the “feel-good” neurotransmitter that helps us stay motivated.

Dr. Ethan Kross, a leading psychologist and author of Chatter, explains:

“The way we talk to ourselves can either be a catalyst for growth or a roadblock to success. Learning to shift from self-criticism to self-support is one of the most powerful skills we can develop.”

How High Achievers Cultivate an Inner Cheerleader

Many high-performers struggle with imposter syndrome, constantly feeling like they’re not good enough despite their achievements. But the difference between those who burn out and those who flourish isn’t the absence of doubt—it’s how they respond to it.

Here’s what they do differently:

1. They Recognise and Reframe Their Inner Critic

High achievers don’t let their inner critic dictate their actions. Instead, they challenge it.

Instead of saying:
❌ “I’m terrible at this.”

They reframe it as:

✅ “This is new, and I’m still learning. Every expert was once a beginner.”

This subtle shift changes the emotional tone from defeat to growth.

2. They Talk to Themselves Like They Would a Friend

Would you ever tell a friend, “You’re a failure”? 

Of course not. So why say it to yourself?

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, emphasises:

“With self-compassion, we motivate ourselves with kindness rather than criticism, leading to greater resilience and long-term success.”

3. They Use the Third-Person Perspective

Research shows that speaking to yourself in the third person (e.g., “You’ve got this, [Your Name]”) creates emotional distance from stress and helps regulate emotions.

Instead of:
❌ “I can’t do this.”

Try:

✅ “You’ve done hard things before, [Your Name]. You’ve got this.”

4. They Celebrate Small Wins

High performers don’t wait until they reach the finish line to acknowledge progress. They celebrate small victories along the way—just like my daughter writing “Great job, Ava!” in her spelling book.

Try this:

• Keep a “wins journal” and write down one thing you did well each day.
• Before bed, reflect on a moment you felt proud of yourself that day.
• When you achieve something, pause and acknowledge it—no matter how small.

Turning Down the Volume of the Inner Critic

Your inner critic will always exist—it’s part of being human. But you don’t have to let it run the show.

• Notice when it shows up – Awareness is the first step.
• Challenge it with facts – Is it really true, or just a fear-based story?
• Give your inner cheerleader the mic – Reframe the narrative in a way that empowers you.

Final Thoughts: Be Your Own Biggest Supporter

If a child instinctively knows how to cheer themselves on, why do we stop as adults?

Imagine how much more confident, resilient, and joyful we’d be if we spoke to ourselves with the same encouragement we give to others.

So next time your inner critic speaks up, ask yourself: What would my inner cheerleader say right now?

Practice cheering yourself on because success isn’t just about what you achieve; it’s about how you support yourself along the way.

What’s one way you can cheer yourself on today?