She’s the one juggling it all—career, home, relationships—fuelled by resilience and fierce independence. She hustles not just to get it done but to prove to herself she can.

Sound familiar? I was once that person, but I learned the hard way that it doesn’t work. It did for a while. It fuelled my success, but long term, it was unsustainable and came at a cost.   It was a painful lesson to learn, and paying the price with burnout isn’t something I’d recommend.

So, I had to learn my personal leadership lesson: asking for help and delegating.

My intention for 2025 is to build on the momentum I’ve started in my professional and personal leadership by asking for more help.

This year, I’ve already taken two significant steps: hiring someone to help me with our family ironing and asking my cleaner to do more hours. I recognise this is a privilege, but even when women have the means to get help, so many of us still struggle to ask for and receive it. Just sharing that I’ve hired more help in my life makes me feel a pang of shame.

Why is that? Why do we hesitate to ease our load, even when it’s possible?

I  spent years trying to manage everything myself, believing that being strong and independent meant doing it all. But I’ve come to see how this mindset not only creates unnecessary stress but also prevents us from focusing on the things that truly matter, both personally and professionally. As I explore this further, I’ve realised how common this struggle is for women, especially those in leadership roles.

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The Reluctance to Ask for Help: Why Women Hold Back

Many women hesitate to ask for help because of deep-seated beliefs about independence, self-worth, and societal expectations. We’ve internalised the idea that needing help somehow diminishes our strength or value. For women in leadership, this reluctance can become even more pronounced as we strive to prove ourselves in environments where competence is often scrutinised.

Hyper-independence—the belief that we must do everything on our own—often manifests in behaviours like over-functioning, micromanaging, or isolating ourselves. It might feel like control in the short term, but in reality, it holds us back.

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Why Over-Functioning Is Counterproductive

Over-functioning, or taking on more responsibility than necessary, isn’t just exhausting—it’s counterproductive to effective leadership. Evidence shows that great leaders delegate and prioritise strategically, yet many women fall into the trap of trying to “do it all.”

This pattern can lead to:

1. Burnout: According to the World Health Organization, women are more likely to experience burnout due to juggling multiple roles.
2. Stifled Growth: Leaders who try to handle everything often lack the bandwidth to focus on big-picture goals.
3. Isolation: When we avoid asking for help, we miss out on opportunities for collaboration and shared success.

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The Double Burden: Leadership and Domestic Responsibilities

The challenges are compounded by the fact that women, including those in leadership positions, often shoulder a disproportionate share of domestic responsibilities. This “double burden” can exacerbate stress and impede professional advancement.

Consider these statistics:

• United Kingdom: Women carry out an overall average of 60% more unpaid work than men. On average, men do 16 hours a week of such unpaid work, compared to 26 hours for women. This includes activities like cooking, childcare, and housework.
  Office for National Statistics
• United States: Women represent 58.4% of the workforce but hold only 35% of senior leadership positions. Despite their professional roles, women continue to undertake a larger share of domestic duties, contributing to increased stress and burnout.
  Zippia

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Working Smarter, Not Harder

Leadership isn’t about doing everything—it’s about creating impact. By learning to ask for help, women can work smarter, not harder. Here’s how:

1. Reframe Asking for Help as a Strength

Asking for help isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign of self-awareness and confidence. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability highlights how it fosters trust and connection, both critical for effective leadership.

2. Delegate Strategically

Successful leaders know their strengths and leverage the talents of others. According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report, women who delegate not only reduce their workload but also create opportunities for team members to grow.

3. Normalise Support Systems

Building a network of support—both professionally and personally—is essential. This might mean hiring help at home, leaning on colleagues, or engaging in mentorship programmes.

4. Let Go of Perfectionism

Sheryl Sandberg, in Lean In, reminds women that striving for perfection is both unrealistic and unnecessary. Collaboration often leads to better results than going it alone.

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When Hiring Help Isn’t an Option

While hiring professional help can be transformative, it’s not always a feasible solution. If you’re unable to afford or access paid support, there are still creative ways to lighten your load and create space for yourself.

I remember as a child, my mum was part of a babysitting circle. Living far from her family, without her parents or siblings nearby to help, she had to find alternative support. She joined a group of local parents who swapped babysitting services. Instead of money, they traded washers attached to a large nappy pin—each washer representing an hour of babysitting. It was a simple but effective system, and it created a sense of community while lightening the load for everyone involved.

This kind of resourceful thinking can inspire other solutions, like childcare swaps, meal-sharing groups, or car-sharing arrangements, where everyone contributes and benefits.

Even small changes, like streamlining household routines, saying “no” more often, or enlisting kids in age-appropriate chores, can make a big difference. Asking for help doesn’t have to be about money—it’s about recognising that you don’t have to do it all alone. By involving others, you create a community of support that benefits everyone.

A Personal Commitment to Change

For me, this year is about embracing help, not as a sign of failure but as a powerful leadership tool. Whether it’s hiring extra help at home or leaning on my professional network, I’m learning that my success doesn’t depend on how much I do alone—it depends on how effectively I lead with the support of others.

If you’ve ever found yourself working harder than necessary because you didn’t want to ask for help, I encourage you to reflect on what’s holding you back. As women, we deserve to lead and live in ways that are sustainable and fulfilling—and that begins by letting others in.

What small step could you take today to ask for more help? 

What’s one thing you could delegate today?