Something I always admired about my dad was his ability to do things his future self would thank him for. Whether it was capturing his receipts before they piled up, maintaining his tools and equipment or organising important documents.  He had this remarkable discipline in the present that consistently set him up for success later.

For years, I assumed it was because of his military training, assuming this habit had been drilled into him during his service. But here’s the thing—my dad was only in the military for a few short years, yet his ability to prioritise his future self spanned his entire life. That’s when I realised it wasn’t just about training; it was a mindset—and one we can all cultivate.

This insight really crystallised for me while listening to Hal Hershfield, the author of Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today, on Jean Gomes’ Evolving Leader Podcast. (If you’ve not listened to that episode, it’s a must— Season 6 Episode 8). 

Hershfield, a professor at UCLA, explains in this episode why so many of us struggle to make decisions today that benefit us in the long run. What really struck me was his observation that most of us think of our future selves as strangers. No wonder it’s hard to prioritise them!

Why Our Future Selves Feel Like Strangers

Think about it—how often do you prioritise what’s easy or enjoyable now, even if you know it might not be great for you later? 

Staying up too late binge-watching TV, eating that extra slice of cake, or skipping the gym are all classic examples. The problem is that our future self bears the consequences of those decisions, but because we don’t feel emotionally connected to them, it’s easy to shrug off those long-term impacts.

Hershfield explains that the closer we feel to someone, the more likely we are to help them. If a stranger asked for help cleaning their house, most of us would say no. But if a close friend asked? We’d probably do it, even begrudgingly. The same applies to our future self. The stronger the emotional bond we have with them, the more we’re willing to take actions now that benefit them later.

Holding the Balance: Present vs. Future

But here’s where it gets tricky. Life is about balance, and the relationship between the present and the future can feel like a paradox. If we’re always sacrificing for the future, we risk stealing joy from the present. If every decision is made with only the long-term in mind, we miss out on the simple pleasures of living in the now. Conversely, if we constantly prioritise the present, the research shows we set ourselves up for a worse future.

The key is to have an honest and authentic conversation with yourself about balance. What’s the impact of this decision on my future self? What’s my intention behind it? Is it the right decision for the future, or is it the right decision for right now? Navigating this balance means making space for both—the joy of the present and the preparation for tomorrow—without leaning so far into one that you lose sight of the other.

Use the Bird’s Eye Perspective

Another powerful tip for navigating this balance is to stop asking “Should I do something?” and instead ask, “When should I do something?” This simple shift in perspective can completely transform your decision-making.

For example, instead of asking, Should I take these overseas work commitments? ask, When should I take them, and when shouldn’t I? Instead of, Should I travel or stay home? ask, When is the best time to travel, and when should I prioritise being home?

By broadening the timeline, you avoid getting stuck in a narrow, all-or-nothing mindset. This “bird’s eye” view gives you a bigger, more useful perspective that aligns with both your present and future goals.

My Dad and His Relationship with His Future Self

My dad embodied this beautifully. He didn’t procrastinate. He didn’t make decisions that future him would regret. He’d do small, unglamorous things—like tracking expenses or cleaning his work equipment —that always seemed to save him from stress later. At the heart of it, he treated his future self like someone he cared about, not a stranger.

Listening to Hershfield made me wonder: how can we all nurture that kind of relationship with our future selves?

Steps to Build a Better Connection with Your Future Self

If, like me, you’ve realised your relationship with your future self could use some work, here are a few strategies inspired by Hershfield’s research:

1. Visualise Your Future Self
   Take a moment to imagine your future self vividly. Where do they live? What do they look like? What kind of life are they living? By making this version of you feel more real, you’ll feel more connected to them and motivated to make decisions now that help them thrive.
2. Write a Letter to Your Future Self (and Let Them Write Back)
   One of Hershfield’s most powerful tools is letter-writing. Start by writing to your future self about your hopes, fears, and plans. Then, take on the perspective of your future self and write back. This exercise forces you to step into their shoes and think about what they’d want you to prioritise today.
3. Practice Mental Contrasting
   Positive visualisation is great, but it’s not enough. Pair it with mental contrasting—think about the obstacles standing between you and your ideal future, then make a plan to overcome them. For example, if you want to be healthier, consider the challenges (like finding time to exercise) and how you’ll address them (like scheduling workouts like meetings).
4. Use Commitment Devices
   Set up systems that make it easier to act in your future self’s best interest. For example:
   • Lay out your workout clothes the night before.
   • Put your alarm in another room to ensure you get out of bed.
   • Create accountability by telling someone your goals or even adding consequences, like donating to a cause you dislike if you skip a goal.
5. Ask Yourself: Will My Future Self Thank Me for This?
   Before making a decision, pause and think about how it will impact future you. Will they feel grateful or frustrated? Sometimes, just asking this question can shift your perspective and help you make a choice that aligns with your long-term goals.

Why This Matters

We live in a world that often prioritises immediate gratification—what feels good now. But as Hershfield points out, the choices we make today shape the person we’ll be tomorrow. Whether it’s leadership, parenting, or simply living a fulfilling life, the closer we are to our future selves, the more we can create a future we’re proud of.

So, what’s one thing your future self would thank you for today? Maybe it’s going to bed earlier, saving a little extra money, or having that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Whatever it is, start small. Every step you take now is a gift to the person you’re becoming.

And if you’re curious to dive deeper into this topic, I can’t recommend Hal Hershfield’s insights enough. They might just change the way you think about your future self—and your present self too.

What’s one thing you’ve done recently that your future self will thank you for? I’d love to hear so hit reply and let me know. Let’s inspire each other to invest in our tomorrows.